雅思OG写作Test6 Task1解析

为考生做了雅思OG写作Test6 Task1的解析：

雅思 OG 写作审题要 (Task focus)
这篇小作文是一张线形图(line chart),显示了 2003-2021 年,发生在纽波特中心城区三种犯罪事件发生 率的变化。考生需要提取并总结主要信息,同时做出相关对比。从图表信息我们可以看到,纵轴显示了事 件的数量(number of incidents),横轴表示从 2003-2021 的时间发展。三个犯罪事件分别是入室盗窃 (burglary)、车辆盗窃(car theft)和人身抢劫(robbery)。
雅思 OG 写作写作思路 (Thinking before writing)
考生需要在 150 字之内对图表里的信息进行概括,有侧重的描写主要特征,必要时选择适当省略。我们要 特别注意这张线形图中突出的以及变化的信息。比较突出的信息是:在 2003 年,入室盗窃的犯罪率高, 其次是车辆盗窃,人身抢劫的比率低。但是到了 2021 年,车辆盗窃成了发生率高的犯罪事件,人身 抢劫的发生率仍然低。变化明显的信息是:从 2003 到 2021 年,变化大的是入室盗窃率,总体呈 大幅下降的趋势。变化小的是人身抢劫,其犯罪率一直处在比较低的范围。根据所获得的信息,推荐的 写法是将主体段分为三段,分别描写三种犯罪形式的变化情况,这是比较理想的行文方式,结构清晰,且 便于进行内容之间的比较。
雅思 OG 写作范文演示 (Sample *ysis)
Model Response
This graph illustrates how crime rates altered in Newport inner city during the period
2003-2021. We can see immediately that the greatest change occurred in the number of burglaries, while incidents of theft remained low but steady.
In 2003, we can see that burglary was the most common crime, with approximately 3,400 reported cases. The figure rose to around 3,700 in 2004, but then there was a downward trend until 2008. At this point the figure stood at just over 1,000 incidents. This rose slightly in 2009, then continued to fluctuate for the remaining period.
In 2003, the number of cars being stolen stood at around 2,800 and followed a similar trend to burglary until 2006. At this point the number rose, standing at around 2,200 in 2007. There was a marginal decrease in the following year, but from then on, the trend was generally upwards.
Finally, robbery has always been a fairly minor problem for Newport. The number of offences committed changed little over nine years. It is interesting to note that the figure of approximately 700 in 2003 is the same figure for 2021.
(187 words)
雅思 OG 写作范文亮点 (Sample highlights)
1 段:改写原题
段通常为题目的改写或提炼。原题目中的“shows the changes that took place in Newport city centre”被改写为“illustrates how crime rates altered in Newport inner city”,两个动词转化得非常 好。这一段还指出了图表中的两个突出信息,即入室盗窃事件的变化率大(the greatest change occurred in the number of burglaries),偷窃事件的发生率较低但稳定(incidents of theft remained low but steady)。
2 段:主体段一
我们可以看到,2003 年入室盗窃是常见的犯罪事件(the most common crime),已报道的案件 (reported cases)大约有 3400 起。到 2004 年,这个数据上升到 3700 左右,但此后就变为下降的趋势 (downward trend),一直到 2008 年,其数据大概是(the figure stood at)1000 多起案件。到了 2009 年,数据有小幅上涨(rose slightly),然后在剩余的年限内一直处于波动状态(fluctuate for the remaining period)。
3 段:主体段二
2003 年,大约有 2800 起盗车事件,然后直到 2006 年,其变化趋势和入室抢劫相似(followed a similar trend to burglary)。到了 2007 年,盗车事件增多,高达 2200 起。其发生率在随后几年有略微降低 (marginal decrease),但总的来说是上升趋势(generally upwards)。
4 段:主体段三
后,人身抢劫是纽波特地区小的问题(a fairly minor problem)。其犯罪率(offences committed) 在这九年里变化很小。有趣的是(It is interesting to note that...),它在 2003 年的案发数量大约是 700 起,这和 2021 年的数据是一样的(same figure for)。
结语
这篇小作文结构合理,逻辑清晰,同义词转换是语言的亮点。例如:表示犯罪率的 crime rates, reported cases, the number of offences committed 等。句型不算多样,但表达准确。考生可以借鉴。

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