雅思大作文点评:学生是否应上私立中学？

　　More attention has been paid to education, playing a vital role in every field （首先，这个非谓语动词词组读上去感觉不是很顺，再仔细一想，它到底是修饰谁呢？从语法上来说，似乎没有问题，但从意思表达上来说，表达不清） , by the whole society, especially parents( 这里加个 by ，意思比较清晰点，而且结构上来说更好，即 by the parents). It is not surprising that a burning problem （这个 burning 用的很不错，大家学习一下，比如 a burning interest （强烈的兴趣爱好，即酷爱） in science ； I had a burning ambition （强烈的野心，即雄心勃勃） to become a journalist ； The burning question （严重的，紧急的问题） in this year's debate over the federal budget is: whose taxes should be raised? ） for parents is whether they should send their offspring to private secondary schools. I suggest that children should go to private schools if parents can afford the expensive tuition.

　　结构分析：思路很清晰。前两句话是引题，最后一句话鲜明地表达自己的观点。而且在这一段就感觉句型比较丰富，不错。

　　语言分析：感觉这位作者的英语水平应该不错，通过某些句型和词汇的使用，让我有更高的期待，呵呵。。。

　　Admittedly, compared with private schools, tuition in public ones （这个错误很细小，主要是受了中文干扰，犯了逻辑主语不一致的错误！根据作者的表达， tuition in public schools 和 private schools 在比较，即学费和学校比了，不是学费和学费比了！ Understand?! 而且，用 tuition 作主语，后面的谓语是 be free of charge 也是搭配不当的！应改为 compared with private schools, public schools are free of charge ） is free of charge, and then it( 由于我前面一个句子的主语改成了 public schools ，所以这里要用 they) brings( 因此，这里用 bring) no financial burden to families, more attractive to not wealthy enough ones( 这里是词序的问题！试想：足够富裕的家庭，到底应该怎么说？！应该是 families wealthy enough ，把 enough 的短语一起放在名词后面修饰名词！ ) . In addition, public schools, as usually （这个居然也错！该打，应该为 as usual ） , are closer and students can spend less time, in the case of frequent traffic congestion nowadays, on everyday commute between the school and home.

　　But, more importantly, private schools have an upper hand in education quality, the underlying ingredient （这里相比之下，我觉得用 element 更好） in school asses*ent. Fewer students in each class share the resources, and, in the meantime, each is taken more care of by teachers, who, due to meritocracy （这个的短语在这里很莫名！！！） , are more accountable and learned, lifting the teaching efficiency and providing a better environment that is favorable for teenagers’ individuality development. In other words, they have to guarantee the teaching quality to enroll enough students, surviving the society （这里写得有点混乱，不知道想表达什么意思！） .

　　Not only do private schools offer children a chance to receive education of a higher standard, but also fuel a rise, on the average, in the level of education. （这种句子多写点，那么 8 分就跑不掉了，呵呵。。。非常好的句子！！！） Supposing that rapidly increasing students choose private schools rather than public ones, public schools, although they have annual limited education fund, are compelled to improve their education quality to ensure adequate applicants and escape the bad fortune closing their doors （估计又是受中文影响，写出这样的句子，稍微改改就对了） ,because of financial difficulties.

　　Most visibly, the blooming private schools justify the choice that children go to private ones （这句写得很变扭，关键是想用 justify 这个词后面加句子，所以导致的结果就是很不顺。可以写成： … justify the students’ choice ，既简洁又明了） . That paves the way for children’s promising future.

　　总评：大家可以看出这篇文章，红点地方很多 ( 因为写得不妥，可以改进 ) ；蓝的地方也有（因为写得很好，可以学习）。

　　看下来的感觉是，作者的英语水平真的很不错，写成这样真的已经很少人能做到了！那么有学生可能会问，写得不错怎么还那么多不妥的地方？！这就是为什么到现在也没见有活人写作考 9 分！因为，总是有这种或那种不妥之处！

　　此文 7 分。