培训学校雅思小作文模版 雅思小作文 怎么写

有模板的都是低分的，不用模板，写出自己心里想说的，考官就会给你高分的，你看高分范文有模板吗？如果是小作文，是可以套套模板的 。
给你一点吧：
我看着书,打给你看

this is a pie chart shows the peoportion of the meat sold in a supermarket.the total meat sold in the supermarket is classified in to six types as follows: chicken,pork,beer,lamb,fish and others.

Overall,chicken has the largest proportion ,which accounts for 40%;
while others has the *allest percentage ,at 2%

As can be see in the pie chart ,chicken,which makes up 40% ,is the most popular among the total meat sold, then next is ork with 20% ,followed by beef,constituting 18%; and finally come lamb,fish and others at 15%,5% and 2% respectively . It should be noted that the sale of pork is half as much as that of chicken. And it is also interesting to note theat the sale of chicken is 20 times as much as that of others.

It can be concluded from the pie chart that chicken is the most commonly bought meat while others is the least commonly bought meat
我觉得不要一直用一样的格式，老师看了很多一样的格式会很烦的，批起来就会扣多点 。
对立式观点

1. 选择一方观点进行说明

给出两个对立的事物或者一个事物对立的两个方面，要求考生支持一方并进行说明。
具体表述如下：
TOPIC: Some people like A, others like B. Which one do you prefer―A or B? Give specific reasons t to illustrate your answer.
在这个命题形式的摸版中有些大写字母的含义如下：
A和B表示选择的两种观点；
CHOOSE A和CHOOSE B表示对A，B的选择；
DO C指题目中提及的某件事情，如：Some people prefer A in order to DO C.
请考生在实际写作中根据题目天如他们各自所代表的内容。
MODEL (1)
Some people hold the opinion that A is superior to B in many ways. Others, however, contradict A. Personally, I would prefer①because I think A has more advantages.

There are numerous reasons why②, and I would like in here explain a few of the most important ones. The main reason is that③. It can be given a concrete example④.

Another reason why I advocate the attitude of A is that⑤. Take the case of a thing that⑥.

One very strong argument for A is that⑦. This demonstrate the undeniable fact that⑧.

Of course, choosing B also has advantages to some extent, ⑨.

But if all these factors are contemplated, the advantages of A carry more weight than hose of B. From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that⊙.
①表明自己的观点；赞同
②填入赞同A的句子
③赞同A的第一个原因
④举例说明原因一
⑤赞同A的第二个原因
⑥举例说明原因二
⑦说明赞叹A的第三个原因
⑧表明A的优势
⑨列出B的1-2个优势
⊙总结观点
MODEL (2)
Some people believe A. These people point out the fact that①. However, other people believe B. They point out that②. They say that③. As far as I am concerned, my preference is for A.

The main reason why I prefer A is that④. We can see that⑤.

A more personal reason why I like A is⑥. As I member, ⑦.
A is superior in another way, that is ⑧ because that⑨.

As a matter of fact, there are also some disadvantages in A, such as⊙. But these can be compensated by its advantages. So, in comparison with B, A is surely a clever choice.
①支持A的理由
②支持B的理由
③进一步阐述支持B的原因
④支持A的第一个原因
⑤举例说明原因一
⑥支持A的第二个原因
⑦举例说明原因二
⑧支持A的第三个原因
⑨举例说明原因三
⊙列举出A的劣势
MODEL (3)
It is often difficult for people to decide whether to choose A or choose B. But for us students, the advantages of A always outweigh the disadvantages. Those who object A claim that①.

Although at first glance these arguments sound reasonable and appealing, they are not borne out by a careful consideration. ②

In addition, ③. As a result, ④.

Finally, the incomparable advantages of A is that ⑤.

From the above, I think A has a lot of advantages compared with B. So⑥.
①反对A的理由
②支持A的第一个原因并举例说明
③支持A的第二个原因并举例说明
④A的优势
⑤支持A的第三个原因并举例说明
⑥重申观点

2. 比较不同观点的优劣

给出两个对立事物或一个事物对立的两个方面，要求考生说明二者为什么不同或比较它们的优缺点，并给出理由。
具体表述如下：
TOPIC: Some people believe that A while others consider B more appropriate. Give advantages and disadvantages of the two positions and explain which position you support.
MODEL (1)
A and B are two totally different ideas that have caused heated debate over a long period of time. Anyway, I agree with the idea of A. However, it is unfair to say which is better than the other if we don’t see both sides of the story in the following paragraphs.

Some people believe B because①. These people point out the fact that②. They also argue that ③.

However, other people stand on a very different ground. They believe that④. They firmly point out that⑤. An example can give the details of this argument: ⑥. In addition, ⑦.

In a word, A is too tempting not to be chosen. A, as shown above, has ⑧. ⑨.
①人们支持B的第一个原因
②进一步阐述支持B的第一个原因
③支持B的第二个原因
④支持A的第一个原因
⑤进一步阐述支持A的第一个原因
⑥举例说明支持A的第一个原因
⑦支持A的第二个原因
⑧选择A的第一个好处
⑨选择A的第二个好处
MODEL (2)
Some people believe that①. Other people take the view that②. While both methods may have their advantages and disadvantages, they can be applied under different circumstances. Afterwards, I will explain my opinion about it.

For A, ③

But this also demonstrates that④

Moreover, ⑤

B, on the other hand, ⑥. For example, ⑦.

In my opinion, the advantages of B are more than those of A because B fits me better in two ways; First⑧. Second, ⑨.
①人们的第一种观点
②人们的第二种观点
③A的一个优势
④A所隐含的劣势
⑤A的一个大缺点
⑥B的一个明显优势
⑦举例说明B的优势
⑧对我来讲，B的第一个优势
⑨对我来讲，B的第二个优势

以下是短文写作中使用率最高、覆盖面最广的基本句式，每组句式的功能相同或相似，考生可根据自己的情况选择其中的1－2个，做到能够熟练正确地仿写或套用。

1．表示原因

1）There are three reasons for this．
2）The reasons for this are as follows．
3）The reason for this is obvious．
4）The reason for this is not far to seek．
5）The reason for this is that．．．
6）We have good reason to believe that．．．
例如：
There are three reasons for the changes that have taken place in our life．Firstly，people’s living standard has been greatly improved．Secondly，most people are well paid， and they can afford what they need or like．Last but not least，more and more people prefer to enjoy modern life．
注：如考生写第一个句子没有把握，可将其改写成两个句子。如：Great changes have taken place in our life． There are three reasons for this．这样写可以避免套用中的表达失误。

2．表示好处
1）It has the following advantages．
2）It does us a lot of good．
3）It benefits us quite a lot．
4）It is beneficial to us．
5）It is of great benefit to us．
例如：
Books are like friends．They can help us know the world better，and they can open our minds and widen our horizons．Therefore，reading extensively is of great benefit to us．

3．表示坏处
1）It has more disadvantages than advantages．
2）It does us much harm．
3）It is harmful to us．
例如：
However，everything divides into two．Television can also be harmful to us．It can do harm to our health and make us lazy if we spend too much time watching television．

4．表示重要、必要、困难、方便、可能
1）It is important（necessary，difficult，convenient， possible）for *．to do sth．
2）We think it necessary to do sth．
3）It plays an important role in our life．
例如：
Computers are now being used everywhere，whether in the government，in schools or in business．Soon， computers will be found in every home，too．We have good reason to say that computers are playing an increasingly important role in our life and we have stepped into the Computer Age．
一、跳槽的原因及解决办法

1.相关词汇： Fierce competition heavy pressure job-hopping is looked upon to move upward quickly, keep skill fresh and up to date acclimatize themselves to the rapidly changing society

2.原因： (1)社会压力大，人们的竞争意识增强，不断改变以适应社会的变化

(2)处于个人发展的需要，寻求升职，更新知识

(3)金钱的诱惑，不在乎在哪儿工作，做什么职业，只要挣钱多

(4)家庭原因，spouse工作地点改变或孩子去其他地方上学

3.解决方法：

(1)要理性看待，一般来说，stability equals success

(2)chronic job-hopper将被questioned integrity and loyalty ,not reliable

(3)*和mass media应该鼓励人们扎根一个地方，扎扎实实干事业，并且尽可能提高welfare,改善城市和community的环境，留住人才

(4)公司应该提高工资待遇，给employee创造一个良好的工作环境，在保证企业利润的同时要考虑员工个人发展，增加培训，扩充员工的知识

二、大学是否应该根据就业教授学生知识，大学的主要功能是什么

平衡写：

1. 认为应该提供实际知识的：

(1)大学生毕业就要找工作，因此要培养学生掌握future job的技能

(2)有人甚至声称理论没用，不是每个大学生都要做科学家

2. 反对方

(1) It will definitely be shortsighted to…目光短浅理论知识非常重要，理论指导实践，大学的职责不仅是教会学生一门技术，更重要的是教授一种方法

(2) 不学理论只学实际知识，会使学生变成utilitarian, narrow-minded, lack of imagination，如果学生要学的只是生存的技能，那就去vocational school

3. 总之，我认为大学的功能是versatile的，促进学生all-around development,培养学生具有creative mind in some special field,而不只是教授该领域的实际知识，可以通过一些part-time job来获得。

三、个人不能对环境保护做不了什么，同意不同意

This is just an excuse for the ignorance of environmental protection

1. 分析环境恶化原因是缺乏环保意识

2. 给出解决办法

四、维持博物馆是否是浪费金钱？

1. *应该spend a lot of money to enrich the collection of museums to cater for different tastes or needs of different people.有的人认为是浪费钱，我认为是很有必要的。

2.博物馆很重要(博物馆的作用)

(1)illuminate the culture, history and arts of the world. 比如，世界上最大的British Museum provide visitors with all-round knowledge about the world culture and arts , collections in it trace the development of civilization throughout the history of mankind. Definitely a heartquake!

(2)shoulder the responsibility to preserve and carry forward a country’s traditional culture.

(2)serve as a significant mean of adolescent education, benefit both the present and future generation. 教育学生什么是美，purify their heart，也可以作为第二课堂，提供教学参考

3.不是浪费金钱

(1)这种观点是shortsighted，只是从个人的利益出发，*应该站在一个更高的角度去看问题。对国家的经济和人民生活是有很大促进作用的

(2)不同于其他产业，不能让其自生自灭，否则可能很难生存

(3)花的钱多，个人没有能力支付。

五、考试

1. Used as a chief means of deciding whether a student succeeds or fail in a subject

2. 不能evaluate one’s true ability.只是测试memory or the skill of working rapidly under pressure.

高分does not mean possessing creativity in dealing various problems

3. Encourage bad study habits, emphasis on memorizing 考试内容 rather than to think。考试前非常用功，但是考试后forget all the information

4. lower the standards of teaching, deprive teachers of freedom. Teacher are judge by the examination results of students, 老师只顾教了考试技巧。

5. 考试是可以作为评判学生的一个依据，但是不能是唯一evaluation.

六、科技(*，电脑)的利与弊

1. On the positive side,

(1) make life faster, easier and safer (2) the world is becoming *aller and closer, trains cars plains make possible to travel to distant places (3)modern communication tools,使人们更好的交流，与任何地方的人交流，特别使促进了business的发展(4)longer life expectancy由于progress of medical science (5)电影电视made life enjoyable and colorful (6)计算机和Internet get information easier, make friends, business, tele-education

2. On the negative side, (1)机器的使用造成unemployment(2)*和互联网的使用alienate people from their friends 因为lack adequate face-to-face communication. (3)Children 缺乏essential interpersonal skills.Those who indulge in … often feel isolated and being cut off from the outside world, they tend to be more introverted, self-centered and with drawn.

七、彻底禁止吸烟

1. 从经济方面，contribute much to government revenue,如果baned ,则会导致unemployment

2. 从权利方面，Smoking just a hobby and amusement, 人们有权选择自己的 lifestyle

3. 从健康方面，必须承认抽闲是detrimental to health,但是the harm is exaggerated.如果控制每天的吸烟量，不会对健康造成devastating problem. 而且还有relieve stress 和 calm down.历史上有一些伟人吸烟，*，*，他们仍然enjoy long life expectancy.

八、老年人问题

1.take care by children 和in nursing homes 各有优缺点

2.在家的话，老人可以享受与家人交流的机会，这样他们不会孤独，而且还可以照顾小孩，而且他们的经验对人们的事业和家庭生活都有帮助。但是由于老人经常会出现健康问题，因此需要花很多时间照料，影响人们的工作。

3. 在nursing home的话，可以有更多机会与their peers相处，common language and interest,而且现在的条件越来越好，得到专业的照顾及医疗服务，还有proper diet 对他们的健康有利。而且让小孩有充分的时间工作，追求自己的事业。但是缺少与家人的交流，会使他们感到lonely，出现一些psychological problem而且如果将所有老人都放到rest home,将给*增加财政负担。

4. As neither the two solutions is effective enough to solve the problem of …, I favor the combination of the two.

九、如何对待罪犯

1.criminals 应该be locked up in prison(jails).

2. can ensure a safe and comfortable living environment for law-abiding citizens. Thieves ,robbers, rapists and murders are dangerous, pose potential threat to the society

3. 放到监狱教育是一个很好的方式，让他们知道侵犯其他人的权利是要付出代价的，这样就会减少他们再次犯罪的可能性

4.不但是punish criminals but also deters the potential criminals. 有些有犯罪倾向的人由于害怕被处罚，可能会放弃commit crime.

5.应该放到监狱。Just as the old saying goes, mercy to the criminal may be cruelty to the people.

十、古迹是否应该保留

1. Historic building is useful for studies. 每个阶段都有不同的建筑，反映当时的文化，研究他们可以理解evolution of society and culture. 社会发展是 continuously的，the later generation bases on and inherits from the former.因此,获取这些是非常必要的。

2.Bring advantages of touri*.很多外国人和本国人都对古代文化很感兴趣，因此保留古迹可以吸引很多游客，bring much benefit to the country. 如果都是高楼大厦的话，在自己的城市也可以看到，谁还去旅游。

3. 古代建筑中也有一些我们值得学习的技术，不是所有技术都传下来了，有些建筑的奥秘现在人们还不是完全清楚。十一、动物保护(动物实验)

1. 共同生活在一个地球上，应该保护动物，maltreatment to animals is barbaric and uncivilized practice. 但是说动物濒临灭绝是exaggerated，禁止动物实验更是irrational

2. Select the superior and eliminate the inferior, the survival of the fittest 是一个natural rule can not be violated，有些specifies缺乏生存技能，就应该被淘汰，如果人们的过渡干预反而会造成坏的作用对ecological system.当然，如果是因为人类破坏了其habitat而导致的endanger,另当别论。

3. 动物实验是indispensable for medical research, all of which 是为人类造福，没有人不希望在全球范围内消灭AIDS，而这一切需要大量的生物实验来完成。而且目前还没有有效的alternative methods,计算机还不足以仿真整个生物实验，或许以后有替代方法了，就可以取消动物实验。目前能做的只能是减小痛苦，relieve pain.

4. 有人说吃动物的肉很残忍，让大家都做vegetarian, 在我看来很可笑，动物有生命，植物就没有生命了？这么说人类就该饿死starve to death 。因此，只要不是虐待动物，将他们作为食物和衣服 is not blameworthy.

5. 因此我不赞成… 【访问中国雅思网 www. 获取更多雅思考试资讯】

十二、青少年犯罪与Drug abuse

1. 原因：

(1)电视中的暴力与色情

(2)家庭原因：Increasing divorce rate, Brought up in a sole-parent family, 缺少父母的关爱,psychological problem, feel disoriented.

(3)学校原因：schools and society should be responsible在学校学习压力大，就业压力大

(4)自身原因：不成熟，sequacious，lack of self-control an self-discipline, can not resist the temptation of drugs and fall victims to drug dealers.

2. 解决方法：

(1)*应该strict censorship should be imposed on 媒体中的不健康内容

(2)家长应该多关心

(3)*和学校应该多教育，不能只顾academic performance

十三、学生评价老师

1. Drawbacks:

(1)学生还不够成熟，他们往往从自身的经验和利益出发来评价老师，因此unable to evaluate teachers’ performance in a sound way。可能会出现要求严格的老师不受欢迎的情况。

(2)学生评价老师也会对老师产生不好的影响，老师为了cater for the needs of children and get a high evaluation, 从而放松对学生的要求，而且对教学内容和教学效果也会有影响

2. Advantages:

(1)对学生来说，评价老师有利于培养学生think independently. 应该鼓励学生challenge 老师，这样他们不但学到知识，而且具有innovative思维，敢于超越老师。

(2)对老师来说，获得feedback 也是提高自己教学能力和教学效果的有效途径，也有利于培养老师的竞争意识，不断学习，不断完善自己来满足学生的学习要求。

(3)学生交了学费，就是customer,老师提供教学服务，从这点上说，学生也有权评价老师。

这样可以吗？觉得好的就选我吧！小妹妹！还有一点没说完，点参考资料在看看吧！希望再次回答你的问题，88！

The three pie graphs indicate the changes in expenditure of a UK school in three separate years �C 1981, 1991 and 2001.
As we can see from the three charts that teachers’ salaries constituted the largest percentage of total expending. To be more specific, it increased from 40% in 1981 to 50% in 1991, and then slightly decreased to 45% in 2001. While other workers’ salaries dropped drastically from 28% in 1981 to 15% in 2001.
Meanwhile, the expenditure of resources sun as books went up from 15% in 1981 to 20% in 1991, but significantly decreased to only 9% in 2001. The furniture and equipment spending also went through a modest fluctuation. It decreased to only 5% in 1991 but rose dramatically to 23% of the total school spending in 2001.
There was a steady increase in insurance expenditure which grew from 2% in 1981 to 8% in 2001.
All in all, teachers’ salaries dominate the largest spending to the school. The spending of furniture and equipment and insurance increased dramatically, while there is a rapid drop in other workers’ salaries and resources such as books.

你好，很高兴为你解答：
小作文我给你提供G类的信件写法：
G类作文Task 1
Letter writing基本要求：
1) You are suggested to spend about 20 minutes on Task 1 and are required to write at least 150 words.
2) You do not need to write the Address and the date unless they are required.
写作格式：
段首顶格，段间空行。
信件分类：
Formal letters:
formal impersonal letter(business letter) 正式非私人信件（商业信件）
除去签名，所有内容打印。
formal personal letter 正式私人信件 like invitations, requests, arrangements, apology, congratulations, thanks...
最大的目的，就是get things done.
而an informal letter 非正式信件
（最大的错误是混淆问题，正式信件和非正式信件不分。）
雅思考试通常是正式信件，现代的正式信件不一定要求全是正式的语言，只要求避免缩写，俚语和习语即可。
写作模式：
1) In the introduction paragraph, First you should engage in personal correspondence; then you should tell the reader the background of the letter (elicit and provide general factual information) and why you write the letter.
2) In the body, you should express needs, wants, likes and dislikes or express your views or complaints.
Attention: answer the question without straying from the topic.
3) You need appropriate ending for your letter.

最大技巧：
写作的通用技巧就是句型技巧，所有在课堂曾经出现过的句型都可以做为模板句型带入。
Let's take a sample writing as an example.
A friend of yours has written to tell you that he/she is coming to spend two weeks in your hometown. Unfortunately you will be late to meet him/her at the airport because you have something important to do.
Write a letter to your friend and explain why you will be late. Suggest something for him/her to do until you arrive.
抱歉：
Unfortunately
I am sorry for sth
I have to apologize that …
1 在要求部分画下所有重要点。
Write a letter to your friend and explain why you will be late. Suggest something for him/her to do until you arrive.
Would you like to wait in the KFC and I will call you when I arrive.
What about waiting for me in the KFC, and I will try my best to get there earlier.
2 在背景下面画下所有要点。
A friend of yours has written to tell you that he/she is coming to spend two weeks in your hometown. Unfortunately you will be late to meet him/her at the airport because you have something important to do.
3 决定称呼语写法。
Dear Peter,
Bill Gates
Jack Welch
Jennifer Aniston
Britney Spears

Dear Mr / Ms (Ms.)
Miss Mrs
Bill Gates / B. Gates / Gates (Mr. Tom)
Mr Tom Bill

Sir or Madam,

4 从下面内容中，勾去不需要的内容。
* Self-introduction (no need to introduce ourselves to a friend)
I am Rachel Green, a nurse working in GreenHill Hospital.
Pleasantries（客套）(appropriate when writing to a friend)
I am asking you to do me a favor.
We have not seen each other since last student reunion in Los Angeles.
Beijing Shanghai

Information (we will be late and why)

* Inquiry (No such need)
Would you please inform me / tell me …?
Please tell me / update me ….
Request (Suggest what to do)
I would be very much appreciated if you could …
Please do …
I am writing to do … (complain for the injury caused by a accident in your supermarket. )
* Persuasion (No such need)
5 从客套语开始
I was very happy to receive your letter and…
Thank you for the letter dated 17th Mar.
英式表达是：日月年
11th 1st 31st 21st
12th 2nd 22nd
3rd 13th 23rd
th
6 接下去是背景介绍
In this case, the background is that your friend is coming to visit you. Since our pleasantries took only one sentence, we can put pleasantries and background in the same paragraph.

… to hear that you will soon come to ChengDu. I really look forward to spending some time with you and I am sure that we well have a lot of things to say to each other.
I am really looking forward to doing / n.
7 接下来写主题
Unfortunately, though, I have an important exam just on the day of your arrival. That means that I will not be able to come to the airport on time. While I apologize for that, I will not keep you waiting for long: your flight arrives at 3:00 PM, and my exam also ends at 3:00. Of course I will come straight to the airport and it should not take me more than 45 minutes.
8 最后写要求，这里是建议
There is a bar at the airport called Sky Lounge. Would you mind waiting for me there and have a drink or two until I can come and meet you? I hope you do not mind.
9 结尾加上标准的结尾客套话
I really look forward to seeing you.
10 签名
Your friend Paul

最终产品：
Dear Peter,

I was very happy to receive your letter and to hear that you will soon come to ChengDu. I really look forward to spending some time with you and I am sure that we will have a lot of things to say to each other.

Unfortunately, though, I have an important exam just on the day of your arrival. That means that I will not be able to come to the airport on time. While I apologize for that, I will not keep you waiting for long: your flight arrives at 3:00 PM, and my exam also ends at 3:00. Of course I will come straight to the airport and it should not take me more than 45 minutes.

There is a bar at the airport called Sky Lounge. Would you mind waiting for me there and have a drink or two until I can come and meet you? I hope you do not mind.

I really look forward to seeing you.

Your friend Paul

Yours sincerely,
Paul

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am Jennifer Aniston, a nurse working in GreenHill Hospital. I am writing to complain about an injury caused by an accident happened in your supermarket in the afternoon on 17th March and I hope measures should be taken to prevent further similar accidents.

Slip on the wet floor
twist my ankle
broke my arm

祝你好运！取得理想的雅思成绩！

如果你需要雅思学习资料和雅思备考资料可以在百度HI里和我沟通，我传给你~~

1、line graph
线图要注意分段。尤其是多条线，如果放在一起描述，很容易混乱。所以建议还是分开来描述，主要原则是仅看描述就能画出图线。一般而言，是按时间，除了结合时间还要看走势上的分段，大段的描述不可缺;另外就是最高点和最低点，以及拐点的数字以及时点描述。只有具备了这两点，才能画出图线的走势。对于不同线之间的比较，可以在最后一段进行，利用交点进行分段。
2、Bar chart
柱状图，同样的，要注意分组。尤其是多国家、多年分之间的比较，建议考生根据最大的特点分成两组(最多三组)，然后分组(一组一段)进行叙述。此类图中，可以少用数据，可以动态的方式进行描述，同时可以利用排名来叙述特点。描述完特点后，如果图表较为简单，最后一段可以把每项的最高、最低点写一下。如果类别少(2个)，还是分别进行描述比较清晰。
无论了line graph 还是bar chart 尽量以单项从头至尾的描述为首选(这样清晰明了)，中间穿插一两次对比，或者最后对比。(但这种描述方式只适合于比较的项目少的情况，即只是两者之间的比较。类别一旦多，如果是可以归为两类的情况，则也可以采用这种描述方式，否则不适用)
3、Table
表格也可以分为动态描述和静态描述。动态：即为紧跟一个国家，从头到尾描述完所有特点，然后再描述另外的国家。静态是：每个特点就每个国家分别描述。无论以上两种采用哪一个，都应当注意分组，尤其是在国家和特点过多的情况下，分组描述，可以减少字数。对于明显的两类，建议采用动态描述法，因为它们在每一项特点下都具有相似的规律，这样比较明晰。
两个图表的写作：一般分为两段，分别进行描述。如果其中一个图特别简单，可以用最后一段简单描述，如果两个图表差不多复杂就采用1：1的比例，分别对各自特点进行描述，然后在最后一段将两者进行联系和比较。
希望能帮助到你，望采纳！

1、细节要注意，例如标点符号后面应该空一格而不是前面空一格，第二段第二行 fo 应为 for，第三段 althouth 拼错。再如，我没有看原图，但看你的文章，应该是两幅图，所以一开始不应该用 The chart shows ...，而要用 The charts show us ...

2、坦率地说，我觉得你的英文水平很不错，但文章写的比较呆板。不要就图说图，就事说事，而要把一幅图中的内容说活一些，就像你用一幅向听众们讲演。该简练的地方要简练（如果有字数要求，可以再写其它内容），如最好不要反复地用proportion，interest, career 这几个词，显得很��嗦。

非常冒昧地在你原文的基础上改一下：

These charts show us the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the support they have received from employers.

In the first chart, among two reasons for study, career and interest, people in the group of under 40 years old study for career far more than those for interest. In the group of 40 to 49, it is half and half. However, the old people, namely, those in the last group that over 49 study mainly for interest. It is a big difference.

From the second chart we see that the group of under 26 get more support from emploers than all other groups. The reason must be that people in this group spend more time and energy studying for career. Unfortunately, although people in the groups of 26-29 and 30-39 also have more proprotions to study for career,they get less support from employers.
....

后面我看不大明白了，第二幅图不是说老板的支持吗？怎么又回来说学习目的了？我没看原图，请原谅。

以上意见不一定对，仅供参考。