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雅思作文想拿高分,这四个错误一定不能犯 新东方名师:Be和Have在雅思作文中的妙用

更新:2023年03月19日 15:24 雅思无忧

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核,综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力,实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说,也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文想拿高分,这四个错误一定不能犯 新东方名师:Be和Have在雅思作文中的妙用,希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题,敬请关注。
雅思作文想拿高分,这四个错误一定不能犯 新东方名师:Be和Have在雅思作文中的妙用

雅思作文想拿高分,这四个错误一定不能犯


大家现在所看到的这篇小作文选自C6T2,同其他考官范文不同,这篇文章出自考生之手。具体这篇考生的作文得了几分咱们先*个关子,假如你是雅思考官,按照写作评分的四大项标准, 你会给他打几分呢?

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.

In 2000 the most preferred mode of travel is by car with 4, 806 people. There's a noticeable decrease in public transportation locally where it dropped from 429 people in 1985 to 274 people in 2000. However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000. Which probably made people to take the take the train more often. There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. The biggest leap in the chart is the increase of taxi users who are tripled in 2000 with 42 people. Where it was only 13 in 1985

Apart from all this modes of travel, there are some more different types of travel as well of course. Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000.

我们先从客观地从考官的评分角度来评判下这篇文章。

首先从文章的内容上来看,考生确实从趋势角度描写了数据变化,但描写逻辑混乱。开端描述了car,local bus 及long distance bus。Car的数据自始至终都是最大的,先描写也毋庸置疑,但local bus 和long distance bus,变化数据设计不多,同时变化趋势也不相同,放在一起描述没有意义。其次,此文没有描述表格中的总量这一数据,这也是其失分的原因。

再来看下这篇文章数字后所带的单位,考生的作文中带的是people, 但仔细审题后我们会发现,这篇作文的真正单位实际是miles,通篇文章对单位的理解都是错误的。

接下来我们来看结构,通篇文章分成两段。考官习作中有分成三段、四段及五段的小作文的例子,但两段的绝对没有。同时,文章开篇直接就描述了最大数据, 缺少了开头段的引入,结尾段也并不是考官所期望看到的总结性信息。

不过从词汇角度来看, 文章代词及连词使用较好

a. However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people asits figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. Its指代long distance bus ride

b. It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. It指代the number of people who travelled by train.

c. This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. This 指代上一句话。

从语法角度来看, 文章细小问题较多。

a. 时态:数据变化时间为1985-2000,为一般过去,考生采用的为一般现在。

b. 主谓一致:However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. 主语复数,谓语动词单数,主谓不一致。

c. 名词单复数:There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. Number应为单数。

d. 被动语态:as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000. Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000. 这三个句子的动词应该全部改为主动语态。

这样的作文究竟可以得几分呢, 我们来看下考官评语,实际同我们刚刚分析时给出的关键点是一致的。

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6 score. Here is the examiner's comment:

This answer does not introduce the information in the table, nor does it report it accurately. The figures are misinterpreted as representing the number of people rather than the average number of miles travelled per person per year. Consequently the information about the increase in total travel is simply not mentioned, so not all key information is covered. There is an attempt to summarize trends in the figures, but the reader cannot get a clear overall picture of the information because of the fundamental confusion.

Nevertheless, the information is organized and the writing flows quite well because of good use of referencing and other connectors, but there are occasional errors in these and the links between ideas are slightly confusing at times.

The strong feature in this answer is the range of vocabulary which is used with some flexibility and good control. A good range of structures is also used, but there are still some fairly basic mistakes, such as in the choice of tense, subject/verb agreement and inappropriate use of the passive.

当然我们分析这篇考生习作的最终目的不是想告诉大家6分的作文错误百出,于思靓老师是希望同学们可以取长补短,像这篇作文考生所出现的基本问题,如时态、单位、语态等在你的作文中要避免出现,像考官特别看重的他的句子多样性的运用要多加学习。最后期待大家能拿到理想的分数。

新东方名师:Be和Have在雅思作文中的妙用

  “Be”动词和“have/has” 在雅思小作文中的七十二变

  很多学生写小作文的时候喜欢带着些大作文的痕迹,比如be动词,还有have, has 经常出现。然而在小作文中,除了要客观描述,重点比较之外,还有一个经常被考生忽略的关键要求:使用图表描述语言。那么这个图表专用语言的玄机不仅仅在于上升下降和搭配幅度的必备词汇,更重要的体现在动词的灵活运用上。

  下面我们以剑7 Test 4 的四线图为例,简单看一下对“Road”那条线的描述,很多学生会写成什么样:

  Road was always the highest over the 28-year period, and it had a dramatic increase to almost 100 million tonnes in 2002.

  关于这道题,大多数学生最爱犯的错误就是主语的混淆。其实增长下降的并不是这些交通工具,而是由这些交通工具分别运输的货物的数量的增减。所以其实这句话的所有主语都错了。这跟剑7 Test2 的例题一样,主语并不是chicken 或者beef,而是the consumption of chicken and beef. 下面我们再拆开来分析:

  前半句话中Road 后面的was 其实想表达“保持”的意思,那么小作文中保持最高完全可以用kept或者是remained这个词,而不是用was这么生硬的论述。那么改成kept之后,后面的largest也可以相应换成一个生动的“most popular”, 即保持最受欢迎的交通方式,这样无论英文还是中文翻译都显得立体起来。

  而后半句中的had 其实是不符合图形描述的基本句型的。从来没有一个句式是“主语+has/had+变化”。这里的had可以换成更地道的showed或者是witnessed. 所以这句话就可以改成:Road always kept the most popular transport among all the patterns, and it showed a dramatic increase to almost 100 million tonnes in 2002.

  然而在饼状图中,be动词或者has/had被滥用的几率就更高了。饼状图里首要掌握的就是表示“占有”的单词,然而很多学生在写作文的时候还是下意识地“抛弃”了这些词,反而舍近求远地去选用“俗不可耐”的be动词。就拿剑8 Test1中的混合图表为例,其中的饼状图很简单,就由四个扇面组成,那我们看一下学生一般会写成什么样子:

  Over-grazing destroys the largest proportion of land, which is 35%. And the world has 30% and 28% land being degraded by deforestation and over-cultivation. Other reasons only take 7% of the pie chart.

  首先我们看第一句话,这句话中的前半句没有问题,只是后面的which is 就有些非主流了。这里我们可以用一个表示“占有”的词作非谓语动词,比如把后半句改成occupying 35% of the worldwide degradation.

  在看第二句话,the world has 中的has 用得也不够地道。这里可以改成there be句型就会更顺畅:There were 30% and 28% of the global farming land being degraded by deforestation and over-cultivation respectively.

  最后一句话,不能说完全就错了,句式是没有问题的,但是在主体段中用pie chart 做主体描述对象显然是不够理智的,除了首段用到“该pie chart显示了….”的句型外,其实在后面的文章当中,主语名词都应该用题意给出的描述对象而不是pie chart。比如这句话可以改成: Other reasons only constitute 7% of the total degraded land.

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