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雅思作文点评:老龄化快速增长的优缺点 烤鸭必看:最常用错的雅思作文五组词

更新:2023年03月21日 14:18 雅思无忧

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雅思作文点评:老龄化快速增长的优缺点 烤鸭必看:最常用错的雅思作文五组词

雅思作文点评:老龄化快速增长的优缺点

In many countries, the number of elderly people is increasing fast. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays, owning to the improvement of living condition(这里习惯用复数), people can live much longer than before, which gives rise to the fast increasing number of elderly people. Some hold that this situation will result in a series of problems, such as social burden, population expansion and so on. While others insist that it agrees the development of modern society and brings many advantages. For my part, I take the latter side with(用for) the following reasons: (74words)

点评:开头稍微写的有点长,不过内容写的还不错。属于通过分析两种不同观点,最后阐述自己观点的写法。(此种写法在雅思大作文的第一段比较常见)

美中不足的是倒数第二句的错误比较明显!while是个连词,应该连接句子与句子,所以这里前面不应该是句号。后面agree是不及物动词,不能直接加宾语。

Firstly, elder people(一会儿elderly people,一会儿又elder people,这不是自相矛盾么!!!) are the fortune of our society. They have enough experiences and capabilities which are badly lacked and needed for our youth when dealing with all sorts of problems, they can still do well in their jobs. Especially(前面应该用逗号,然后这里小写) in some professions, such as teacher, doctor, scientist and so on, sometimes (前面应该用句号,然后这里大写)age means the authority and ability. When you see a doctor, do you prefer an elderly doctor with grey hair or a youth without mustache? (77words)

Secondly, elder people(同上) are the happiness of our society. Increasing number of elderly people is also the embodiment of our improving living quality, which shows our society run(应该第三人称单数)to the right and healthy direction, we(前面句号,这里大写) have more chance and time to serve our elderly people, and it’s the happiest time of all our life to accompany with(accompany是及物动词) our parents, grandparents and great grandparents. (63words)

Finally, elderly people are the lubricant of our society. They have good temper and enough patients(应该是patience吧) to do anything, they can help us to intercede(它是不及物动词,而且主要用人作宾语) social disputes, and they make our society much more harmonious which(前面最好有个逗号)makes for the construction of harmonious society.(43words)

正文段综合点评:此篇是典型的5段式作文的写作,正文段构思出三个分论点来证明自己的观点,的确在构思上花了不少心思。但是,这里我想提的是,还是两方面都分析一下会比较好一点。特别这篇文章是问优点多还是缺点多,那么最好是缺点讲一个,然后优点再讲两个。外国人喜欢这样的辩证分析。

其次,总的来说,作者的语言还是挺流畅的。但是似乎标点有问题,该用句号的时候用逗号,改用逗号的时候用句号,这个也要扣分的!

From mentioned above, the advantages of increasing number of elderly people are obvious more than it disadvantages(典型的Chinese English.应该说there are obviously more advantages than disadvantages.). Elderly people are not the burden of our society but the source of fortune, happiness and harmony of our society.(37words)

全文总评:

尽管总的来说语言水平还是很不错的,内容也写得很充实,但缺点是语言方面还是不够细腻。此文7分。

烤鸭必看:最常用错的雅思作文五组词

雅思小作文因为比较模式化,相对来说用错词的情况也少一些。朗阁海外考试研究中心提醒考生们在常见错误方面应注意:在谈及价位时我们应该用高低而非大小贵贱来表达,即high/low price 而非big/*all price 或者expensive/cheap price; great value而不是big value; their living condition is poor而非bad等等。其实,小作文中比较集中的错误在“比较与对比”搞不清楚,所以出现 ‘compare’与 ‘contrast’ 的使用错误,这里我们详细说一下。

一、compare与contrast的误用

我们先从两者的定义入手来看两者的区别。 Compare的定义为:to examine people or things to see how they are similar or different. Contrast的定义为:to compare two or more things to show the difference between them. 由定义不难看出前者侧重于找到两个或多个事物的异同,而后者则侧重于它们的不同。

看个例句:

It is interesting to compare their situations to ours./It is interesting to contrast their situations to ours.

前一句翻译为:对比一下我们的情况与他们的情况会很有趣。

后一句的翻译为:我们的情况与他们的情况有很大的不同,这很有趣。

再看一个引自OXFORD ADBANCED LEARNER’S DICTIONARY的例子:

There is an obvious contrast between the culture of East and West.

The company lost $7 million in contrast to a profit of $6.2 million a year earlier.

When you look at their new system, ours seems very old-fashioned by contrast.

不难发现,Compare 翻译为“ 与。。。相比”而contrast可译为“明显不同的是。。。”,切记这种翻译方式就不会用错彼此了。

二、介词使用错误

1、普通介词的误用

一般表现为固定搭配错误,如常把 provide * with sth用成provide * sth; be satisfied with用成be satisfied for等等,虽然这样的错误看似无伤大雅,但在考官眼里就是影响顺畅阅读的,当然会影响最终成绩。解决的办法简单而古老:把常见的固定搭配牢记于心,问题自然就解决了。

2、 “to”作为介词的误用

“to”最常见的用法是以动词不定式符号的形式出现的,所以同学们也已经习惯了 “to do”的固定搭配。对于一些如walk to me, to the left等介词to表方向等常见用法一般也不会出现错误。但是对于与动词搭配的介词to就会经常犯错:

如:

More and more students have taken to depend on their parents to make decision for them.

这里的 ‘take to’ means ‘to begin to do sth as a habit’ 其中 ‘to’为介词,所以后面只能接名词或相当于名词的词,如动名词。所以黑体处应改为“depending on”。“take to”的另一个常用用法也需要牢记:

He hasn’t taken to his new school. (这里‘take to’ means ‘to start liking * or sth’)

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