让考官看懂你的雅思作文 雅思作文修改：网络代替学校

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了让考官看懂你的雅思作文 雅思作文修改：网络代替学校，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。

准确表达写作内容 让考官看懂你的雅思作文

一般情况下，烤鸭们会很顺利地读懂自己写的雅思作文，但是却不知道，身为“老外”的雅思考官是否能读出同样的味道。这主要是因为汉语和英语在表达顺序上的差异。

首先我们先看几个短句，来体会这种语言差异：

例1:Chatting on the Internet provides us with a lot of fun.

网上聊天给我带来很多乐趣。

汉语：网上 聊天

英语：聊天 在网上

可见，英语习惯性地将修饰成分后置，尤其是短语结构的修饰语。

更多例子：

Self-confidence is the first step on the road to success.

自信是成功之路的第一步。

汉语：成功之路 的第一步

英语：第一步 在路上 成功的

Living without an aim is like sailing without a compass.

没有目标的活着就像没有罗盘的航行。

汉语： 没有目标地 活着

英语：活着 没有目标

汉语：没有罗盘的 航行

英语：航行 没有罗盘

看了以上的例子我们不难发现英语和汉语在修饰方面的差异，下面让我们练习翻译几个句子，进一步体会写作过程中如何利用这样规律：

练习1: 一提到即将开始的学校生活，许多学生都会兴高采烈。

step1:找句子的主干(表达的核心内容)——学生都会兴高采烈numerous students will go to rapture

step2:找修饰成分——生活life——学校生活school life——即将开始的学校生活 the coming school life

考虑到修饰位置的平衡我们将the coming school life调整为the coming life of school, 修饰的核心词是life，前后都有修饰语，结构上比较平衡，避免修饰语过多而造成chinglish。

step3：整理——Numerous students will go to rapture at the mere mention of the coming life of school.

注意：英语习惯将重要信息前置，所以一般先写句子主干，在写其他修成成分。这样你的表达和老外的理解就很容易契合。

练习2: 考虑到问题的严重性，在事态进一步恶化之前，必须采取有效的措施。

step1:找主干——必须采取有效的措施：effective measures should be taken(由于无明确主语所以选择被动形式)

step2: 找修饰语——(1)考虑到问题的严重性in view of the seriousness of this problem

(2)在事态进一步恶化之前(时间状语)before things get worse

step3：整理In view of the seriousness of this problem ,effective measures should be taken before things get worse.

注意：此处，修饰成分没有全部放到句子后面，而是分为两个部分一个放前一个放后，这是考虑句子平衡的结果。

不知道同学们是否有了一些启发。同时希望愤怒的烤鸭们能尽快拿到自己的理想成绩。

雅思作文修改：网络代替学校

很多同学发来四段式的作文给我，但是真正能写好四段式的没有几个，下面这篇的错误比较典型，给大家参考。

题目如下：schools are no longer necessary, because children can get so much information available through Internet, and they can study just as well at home.What extent do you agree or disagree?

Scientific developments have brought us many benefits, among which the internet must be the most spectacular one. In the near future, it might take the place of schools so that it is convenient for children to obtain knowledge.

我很高兴地看到你可以把上课时讲的很多句子和单词应用在这篇四段式文章中，但是我划横线的句子表现出了你一定的倾向性，你可以把这句改为（there has long been a discussion about the opinion that whether the internet could take the place of schools.）这样可以做到客观的引入话题，而不表明观点。

With time going by, Internet has become an encyclopedia in some degree. It seems that there are an increasing number of children are fund of getting information from the Internet. Some of them are in a great need of gaining information while others just surf it as a hobby. As is known to all that encyclopedia is large enough to satisfy those little children and of course the knowledge in textbooks is included. In that case, there is no need to employ teachers to teach children. As a result children can study just as well at home and get a good grade.

However, there are certainly demerits in studying at home with the Internet. People who make the webpages can make mistakes and some knowledge is completely wrong. As a child, it is not an easy job to distinguish the information. Unlike at home, children are able to obtain knowledge in a systematic way. Besides, children who study at home are more withdrawn than those who study at schools. What is more, children don’t require teachers and that means people who now are teachers will lose their jobs. It may cause the dissipation of human resources and their families are in great trouble of making a living.

上面一段有两个问题：

1.负面的问题我觉得分析的不够，错误应该只是一个小的方面，更重要的应该是：没有人引导，孩子的学习效率会比较低下。

2.我读了划横线的句子后，感觉你的观点应该是支持网络替代学校，因为你用了，certainly这个让步词，但是你在下面一段却表明了跟我的猜测相反的观点，前后不一致，这个是致命的错误。

My view is that schools are still necessary in the future. That is the best way for children to not only get their knowledge in a systematic way but also develop their interpersonal skills. Internet is, in the long run , just a tool to widen their horizons.

如果我打分的话，Band 5

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