雅思作文想拿高分，这四个错误一定不能犯 英文简洁之美

b. It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. It指代the number of people who travelled by train.

c. This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. This 指代上一句话。

从语法角度来看， 文章细小问题较多。

a. 时态：数据变化时间为1985-2000，为一般过去，考生采用的为一般现在。

b. 主谓一致：However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. 主语复数，谓语动词单数，主谓不一致。

c. 名词单复数：There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. Number应为单数。

d. 被动语态：as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000. Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000. 这三个句子的动词应该全部改为主动语态。

这样的作文究竟可以得几分呢， 我们来看下考官评语，实际同我们刚刚分析时给出的关键点是一致的。

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6 score. Here is the examiner's comment:

This answer does not introduce the information in the table, nor does it report it accurately. The figures are misinterpreted as representing the number of people rather than the average number of miles travelled per person per year. Consequently the information about the increase in total travel is simply not mentioned, so not all key information is covered. There is an attempt to summarize trends in the figures, but the reader cannot get a clear overall picture of the information because of the fundamental confusion.

Nevertheless, the information is organized and the writing flows quite well because of good use of referencing and other connectors, but there are occasional errors in these and the links between ideas are slightly confusing at times.

The strong feature in this answer is the range of vocabulary which is used with some flexibility and good control. A good range of structures is also used, but there are still some fairly basic mistakes, such as in the choice of tense, subject/verb agreement and inappropriate use of the passive.

当然我们分析这篇考生习作的最终目的不是想告诉大家6分的作文错误百出，于思靓老师是希望同学们可以取长补短，像这篇作文考生所出现的基本问题，如时态、单位、语态等在你的作文中要避免出现，像考官特别看重的他的句子多样性的运用要多加学习。最后期待大家能拿到理想的分数。

你的雅思作文句子有效吗？英文简洁之美

句子结构是雅思写作评分标准“语法的多样性与准确度”中一项十分重要的考量因素，但这并不意味着要求考生具备写长难句的能力。在追求输出像雅思阅读一样精到的语言之前，我们首先要确保的应当是写出来的句子是正确的。有效的句子甚而段落通常应当同时满足以下五个要素：一致、连贯、简洁、强调、多样。

1. 一致：如句内的逻辑关系，注意检查是否存在简单推论、逻辑残缺、逻辑悖论、依赖偏见等。

Born in a *all town in South Chinain the early 1950s, he grew up to be a famous musician.

→ He was born in a *all town in South China in the early 1950s. In his childhood he liked to sing songs. Later he entered a conservatory. In the 1970s he became a famous musician.

2. 连贯：这个问题在平行结构、共用主语、使用指代的情况下尤其需要注意。

We thought she was charming, intelligent, and a very capable young woman.

→ We thought she was charming, intelligent, and very capable.

Or: We thought she was a charming, intelligent, and very capable young woman.

He was knocked down by a bicycle, but it was not serious.

→ He was knocked down by a bicycle, but was not badly injured.

Looking out of the window, the grassland stretches as far as the eye can reach.

→ Looking out of the window, we can see the grassland stretching as far as the eye can reach.

Or: Outside the window, the grassland stretches as far as the eye can reach.

He gave a reason for not attending the meeting, which nobody believed.

→ He gave a reason, which nobody believed, for not attending the meeting.

Or: He gave a reason for not attending the meeting, a reason which nobody believed.

3. 简洁：英美文化推崇坦率和直接，通常不需要体现咱儒家文化的含蓄和委婉。

It was *all in size and blue in colour.

→ It was *all and blue.

He usually likes to drink all kinds of wines that are produced in France.

→ He prefers French wines.

4. 强调：正如每篇文章都要有中心思想(main idea)，每个段落都要有主题句(topic sentence)一般，每个句子都要围绕一个中心观点清晰地呈现出作者想要表现的重点。

He is modest and hardworking and is a good student.

→ He is a good student, modest and hardworking.

There is a big tree, which is said to be 300 years old, in the temple.

→ In the temple there is a big tree, which is said to be 300 years old.

At the sight of the disorderly crowd, he was aware that something bad would be possible.

→ The moment he saw the disorderly crowd, he knew that something bad would happen.

5. 多样：中文重重复，英文重替代，中英差异使然。

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