雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点 雅思作文十大失分点

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点 雅思作文十大失分点，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。

雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点

In many countries, the number of elderly people is increasing fast. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays, owning to the improvement of living condition(这里习惯用复数), people can live much longer than before, which gives rise to the fast increasing number of elderly people. Some hold that this situation will result in a series of problems, such as social burden, population expansion and so on. While others insist that it agrees the development of modern society and brings many advantages. For my part, I take the latter side with(用for) the following reasons: (74words)

点评：开头稍微写的有点长，不过内容写的还不错。属于通过分析两种不同观点，最后阐述自己观点的写法。(此种写法在雅思大作文的第一段比较常见)

美中不足的是倒数第二句的错误比较明显!while是个连词，应该连接句子与句子，所以这里前面不应该是句号。后面agree是不及物动词，不能直接加宾语。

Firstly, elder people(一会儿elderly people,一会儿又elder people，这不是自相矛盾么!!!) are the fortune of our society. They have enough experiences and capabilities which are badly lacked and needed for our youth when dealing with all sorts of problems, they can still do well in their jobs. Especially(前面应该用逗号，然后这里小写) in some professions, such as teacher, doctor, scientist and so on, sometimes (前面应该用句号，然后这里大写)age means the authority and ability. When you see a doctor, do you prefer an elderly doctor with grey hair or a youth without mustache? (77words)

Secondly, elder people(同上) are the happiness of our society. Increasing number of elderly people is also the embodiment of our improving living quality, which shows our society run(应该第三人称单数)to the right and healthy direction, we(前面句号，这里大写) have more chance and time to serve our elderly people, and it’s the happiest time of all our life to accompany with(accompany是及物动词) our parents, grandparents and great grandparents. (63words)

Finally, elderly people are the lubricant of our society. They have good temper and enough patients(应该是patience吧) to do anything, they can help us to intercede(它是不及物动词，而且主要用人作宾语) social disputes, and they make our society much more harmonious which(前面最好有个逗号)makes for the construction of harmonious society.(43words)

正文段综合点评：此篇是典型的5段式作文的写作，正文段构思出三个分论点来证明自己的观点，的确在构思上花了不少心思。但是，这里我想提的是，还是两方面都分析一下会比较好一点。特别这篇文章是问优点多还是缺点多，那么最好是缺点讲一个，然后优点再讲两个。外国人喜欢这样的辩证分析。

其次，总的来说，作者的语言还是挺流畅的。但是似乎标点有问题，该用句号的时候用逗号，改用逗号的时候用句号，这个也要扣分的!

From mentioned above, the advantages of increasing number of elderly people are obvious more than it disadvantages(典型的Chinese English.应该说there are obviously more advantages than disadvantages.). Elderly people are not the burden of our society but the source of fortune, happiness and harmony of our society.(37words)

全文总评：

尽管总的来说语言水平还是很不错的，内容也写得很充实，但缺点是语言方面还是不够细腻。此文7分。

雅思作文十大失分点

前言 每年都有数以万计的同学为雅思作文呕心沥血而成效不佳。来看看雅思作文中你都犯了什么忌吧。 大部分中国考生在写雅思议论文时的失分点实在可惜，因此，专家总结和归纳了目前考生在写议论中的十大失分点，希望考生们在备考时予以重视。 一、不一致 所谓不一致不光指主谓不一致，还包括了数的不一致、时态不一致以及代词不一致等。 比如：When one have money, he can do what he want to. 分析：one是第三人称单数，因此本句的have应改为has; want应改为wants, 本句是典型的主谓不一致。 改为：When one has money, he can do what he wants (to do). 二、修饰语错位 英语与汉语不同，同一个修饰语置于句子不同的位置，句子的含义可能引起变化。对于这一点考生们往往没有引起足够的重视，因而造成了不必要的误解。 比如： I believe I can do it well and I will better know the world outside the campus. 分析：better位置不当，应置于句末。 三、句子不完整 在口语中，交际双方可借助手势语气上下文等，不完整的句子完全可以被理解。可是书面语就不同了，句子结构不完整会令意思表达不清，这种情况常常在主句写完以后，作者又想加些补充说明时发生。 比如：There are many ways to know the society. For example by TV, radio, newspaper and so on. 分析：本句后半部分"For example by TV, radio, newspaper and so on.”不是一个完整的句子，仅为一些不连贯的词语，不能独立成句。 改为：There are many ways to know society, for example, by TV, radio, and newspaper. 四、悬垂修饰语 所谓悬垂修饰语是指句首的短语与后面句子的逻辑关系混乱不清。 比如：At the age of ten, my grandfather died. 这句中"at the age of ten"只写出十岁时，但没有说明“谁”十岁时，按一般推理不可能是my grandfather, 如果我们把这个悬垂修饰语改得明确一点，读者或考官在读句子时就不会误解了。 改为：When I was ten, my grandfather died. 五、词性误用 “词性误用”常表现为：介词当动词用；形容词当副词用；名词当动词用等。 比如：None can negative the importance of money. 分析：negative系形容词，误作动词。 改为：None can deny the importance of money. 六、指代不清 指代不清主要讲的是代词与被指代的人或物关系不清，或者先后所用的代词不一致。 比如：Mary was friendly to my sister because she wanted her to be her bride*aid. 读完上面这一句话，读者无法明确地判断两位姑娘中谁将结婚，谁将当伴娘。 如果我们把易于引起误解的代词所指代的对象加以明确，意思就一目了然了。这个句子可改为：Mary was friendly to my sister because she wanted my sister to be her bride*aid. 七、不间断句子 这个错误的出现受中文意识的影响很大。很多考生在写句子时，句子之间缺乏有效的连接成分。甚至，有的句子写的比较中式化。 比如：There are many ways we get to know the outside world. 分析：这个句子包含了两层完整的意思：“there are many ways”以及“we get to know the outside world”。简单地把它们连在一起就不妥当了 改为：There are many ways for us to learn about the outside world. 或：There are many ways through which we can become acquainted with the outside world. 八、措词毛病 学生在写作中没有养成良好的推敲，斟酌句子中所选用词的习惯。大部分考生随心所欲，拿来就用，所以作文中用词不当的错误随处可见。 比如：The increasing use of chemical obstacles in agriculture also makes pollution. 分析：显然，考生把obstacles“障碍”，“障碍物”误作substance“物质”了。另外“the increasing use(不断增加的使用)”应改为“abusive use(滥用)”。 改为：The abusive use of chemical substances in agriculture also causes/leads to pollution. 九、累赘 写句子没有一个多余的词；写段落没有一个无必要的句子。能用单词的不用词组；能用词组的不用从句或句子。 比如：In spite of the fact that he is lazy, I like him.本句的“the fact that he is lazy”系同谓语从句 我们按照上述“能用词组的不用从句”可以改为：In spite of his laziness, I like him. 比如：For the people who are diligent and kind, money is just the thing to be used to buy the thing they need. 整个句子可以大大简化为：Diligent people use money only to buy what they need. 十、不连贯 不连贯是指一个句子前言不对后语，或是结构上不畅通，这也是考生常犯的毛病。 比如：The fresh water, it is the most important things of the earth. 分析：the fresh water与逗号后的it不连贯，it与things在数方面不一致。 希望2021的学弟学妹们也能考出理想成绩！加油吧！

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