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雅思作文想拿高分,这四个错误一定不能犯 怎样迅速分析雅思作文论据

更新:2023年03月28日 13:45 雅思无忧

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核,综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力,实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说,也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文想拿高分,这四个错误一定不能犯 怎样迅速分析雅思作文论据,希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题,敬请关注。
雅思作文想拿高分,这四个错误一定不能犯 怎样迅速分析雅思作文论据

雅思作文想拿高分,这四个错误一定不能犯

大家现在所看到的这篇小作文选自C6T2,同其他考官范文不同,这篇文章出自考生之手。具体这篇考生的作文得了几分咱们先*个关子,假如你是雅思(课程)考官,按照写作评分的四大项标准, 你会给他打几分呢?

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.



In 2000 the most preferred mode of travel is by car with 4, 806 people. There's a noticeable decrease in public transportation locally where it dropped from 429 people in 1985 to 274 people in 2000. However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000. Which probably made people to take the take the train more often. There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. The biggest leap in the chart is the increase of taxi users who are tripled in 2000 with 42 people. Where it was only 13 in 1985

Apart from all this modes of travel, there are some more different types of travel as well of course. Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000.

我们先从客观地从考官的评分角度来评判下这篇文章。

首先从文章的内容上来看,考生确实从趋势角度描写了数据变化,但描写逻辑混乱。开端描述了car,local bus 及long distance bus。Car的数据自始至终都是最大的,先描写也毋庸置疑,但local bus 和long distance bus,变化数据设计不多,同时变化趋势也不相同,放在一起描述没有意义。其次,此文没有描述表格中的总量这一数据,这也是其失分的原因。

再来看下这篇文章数字后所带的单位,考生的作文中带的是people, 但仔细审题后我们会发现,这篇作文的真正单位实际是miles,通篇文章对单位的理解都是错误的。

接下来我们来看结构,通篇文章分成两段。考官习作中有分成三段、四段及五段的小作文的例子,但两段的绝对没有。同时,文章开篇直接就描述了最大数据, 缺少了开头段的引入,结尾段也并不是考官所期望看到的总结性信息。

不过从词汇角度来看, 文章代词及连词使用较好

a. However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people asits figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. Its指代long distance bus ride

b. It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. It指代the number of people who travelled by train.

c. This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. This 指代上一句话。

从语法角度来看, 文章细小问题较多。

a. 时态:数据变化时间为1985-2000,为一般过去,考生采用的为一般现在。

b. 主谓一致:However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. 主语复数,谓语动词单数,主谓不一致。

c. 名词单复数:There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. Number应为单数。

d. 被动语态:as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000. Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000. 这三个句子的动词应该全部改为主动语态。

这样的作文究竟可以得几分呢, 我们来看下考官评语,实际同我们刚刚分析时给出的关键点是一致的。

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6 score. Here is the examiner's comment:

This answer does not introduce the information in the table, nor does it report it accurately. The figures are misinterpreted as representing the number of people rather than the average number of miles travelled per person per year. Consequently the information about the increase in total travel is simply not mentioned, so not all key information is covered. There is an attempt to summarize trends in the figures, but the reader cannot get a clear overall picture of the information because of the fundamental confusion.

Nevertheless, the information is organized and the writing flows quite well because of good use of referencing and other connectors, but there are occasional errors in these and the links between ideas are slightly confusing at times.

The strong feature in this answer is the range of vocabulary which is used with some flexibility and good control. A good range of structures is also used, but there are still some fairly basic mistakes, such as in the choice of tense, subject/verb agreement and inappropriate use of the passive.

当然我们分析这篇考生习作的最终目的不是想告诉大家6分的作文错误百出,于思靓老师是希望同学们可以取长补短,像这篇作文考生所出现的基本问题,如时态、单位、语态等在你的作文中要避免出现,像考官特别看重的他的句子多样性的运用要多加学习。最后期待大家能拿到理想的分数。

怎样迅速分析雅思作文论据


  一、细化
  雅思作文题目的难度体现最主要就是在作文题目越来越抽象,越来越不容易想到理由。其实,当面对这些题目的时候,很多人总会把自己投入一个怪圈,这个怪圈就是单纯的死扣这个问题,而不是试图将这个问题扩展或者细化。
  作文理由,最忌讳的就是就事论事,不作任何扩展。当不作任何扩展的时候,也就是不做任何细化的时候,其实不惯是老雅思还是新雅思,一个寻找作文理由最大的利器就是细化。
  二、例题分析
  1、所谓细化,就是不要拘泥于单纯的题目。一定要进行举例!比如说:2021年02月11日独立作文题目(更正版本):Do you agree or disagree the following statement : Leadership comes naturally: one cannot learn to be a leader.与2021年02月05日中国大陆独立作文题目:Some people have ambitious dreams and keep following them, but other people always focus on realistic goals and try to achieve them. Which do you think is better?
  第一个题目,大家都觉得很空,“领导力”到底该怎么找理由,完全没有头绪。第二个题目,也是一样的,“具有挑战性的梦想”与“现实的目标”感觉远不如老雅思里面的“是否建立工厂”好想理由。
  但是如果我们对于领导力进行举例,我们自然而然的就会想到乔布斯,绝对是一个超伟大的大企业家,乔布斯有什么过人的能力呢。
  1)创新能力,否则不会有iphone与ipad; 2)审美能力,否则Mac的字体不会那么漂亮,iphone也不会那么完美 ;3)坚韧不拔的能力,否则也不会建立皮克斯东山再起。再来想创新能力,我们可以通过旅游来获得,什么可以通过学习来获得,坚韧可以通过体育来获得。到这,不也就找到了写作的方向了么。
  再比如说现实的梦想,还是挑战性的梦想,我们也可以进行举例。现实的梦想:1)去海南旅游;2)考全班前5 ;3)给父母*礼物。为什么要做这些事情呢?1)去海南旅游,可以多游泳,锻炼身体; 2)考全班前5,可以激发自己的积极性,告诉自己通过自己的努力可以实现; 3)给父母*礼物,可以增进家庭成员的感情。这不就有很好的理由了么。
  2、当然或许你还觉得不够,那咱们再来看一个2021年第一场雅思考试2021年01月08日独立作文:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: People can solve important problems by themselves or with the help from their family members so there’s no need for the government to help them.的题目。
  人们是否能不靠上级部门的关注,自己解决重要问题。首先举个例子,到底什么算重要问题。*房难算是大问题吧,要不是在国内*不起房,你为什么要出国呢。*房都涉及什么。
  1)地点:父母可以帮你选; 2)钱:父母可以帮你提供; 3)电器和装修:自己赚钱解决。当然,有些考友会觉得这样的就太琐碎了。其实很简单,你可以再提炼吗,这个题目,“地点”就可以提炼为前期准备;“钱”就可以提炼为“资金”;“电器和装修”就可以提炼为“后期升级和维护”,这不就是3个理由出来了么。
  雅思作文理由,切忌就事论事,其实只要我们大胆的进行举例,然后需要的时候,再适当提炼,其实雅思作文思路是非常好寻找的。

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