雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装 正确审题:助你直通雅思作文6分

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装 正确审题:助你直通雅思作文6分，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。

雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装

注：一篇学生的习作，里面出现的问题，尤其是首段出现的问题很值得各位雅思学员注意。

希望大家看完原文的开头之后，应该思考我们课堂上所讲的文章开头的背景交代的改写方法。

Topic: In many countries people no longer wear their national costumes. They are forgetting their history and traditions, more people should be encouraged to wear their national costumes everyday. Do you agree or disagree.

原文：

In this day and age, as a pace of social development, a various kinds of clothes are winning tremendous popularity in some countries. But in the meantime, it has drawn a great deal of attention to the problem that whether more people should be encouraged to wear national clothes everyday. As far as I am concerned, people should not wear them per day.

In the first place, it is generally acknowledge that traditional clothes of some countries are unconvenient for national residents to work. It is a fact that some of their costumes, such as kimono of Japan,cheongsam of china and Korea-style cothes, they are too long and big to work. In particular policemen and doctors,these careers are hard to be done if they are wearing such clothes.

In the second place, not wearing national costumes doesnot mean their citizens forgetting their history and traditions. Some countries’ history and traditions are still studied by young children. Take Japanese as an example, they always knee down when they are eating meals.

Finally, clothes should be kept abreast with step of social development. The style of clothes can mirror the custom in a period of time in a country. Dr. Wang who especialize in sociey asses*ent supported this view in a paper. And he said that people living in this fast-pace society should wear neat clothes which are conveninet when they are working.

To sum up, I completely disagree with wiew that people wear the national clothes everyday in the current society. In my opinion, with amount of colthes into our lives,our daily lives should be colorful and fashionable.

点评：

1. 原文开头模板痕迹比较明显，而且未能将背景信息交代清楚。应该按照课上所讲审题步骤理清文章的习作思路：即，BI(Background information)+WT(writing tasks)。因此，首段应该交代好背景信息和自己的观点（已交代）。

2. 原文中部分句子之间的Cohesion出现问题。如， “Some countries’ history and traditions are still studied by young children.” 是对上句的佐证，需加入对比联系词in fact/ on the contrary

3. 文章多次出现单词拼写错误，希望引起足够重视。

4. 文章最后可以在分析不必要性之后，提出消除人们担心的办法。

修改：

正确审题:助你直通雅思作文6分

　　多数考生都反映作文分能拿到六分就已经很开心了，那么什么样的作文能拿到六分？写作最重要的一点，不偏题！下面就如何正确审题提点自己的看法。Now many people think that we are spending too much money and time on protecting wildanimals. The money should be better spent on human population. Do you agree or disagree?目前很多人认为我们在保护野生动物上花费得太多，这些钱如果用在人身上会更好。你赞成还是反对？

　　题目分析：

　　本题为近期考到的另一道考题，题目把保护动物和促进人类发展两个表面矛盾的目的对立起来。如果深入考虑这两个目的，我们可以发现动物保护和人类发展之间虽然相互独立，但并不矛盾。考生可以分别陈述、论证保护野生动物的理由，最后再加以归纳。也可以采取相反的论点并加以论证。

　　有的同学在论述支持野生动物保护的论点中提到：Scientists have found that the body of certain kinds of animal contains genes that are similar to those of humanbeing sand could be used to treat diseases in the future.

　　考生如果继续探讨动物基因和人基因的相似性，就偏离了题目要求的重心。应该考虑的重点要遵循：因为动物基因对治疗人类疾病可能有帮助，所以保护野生动物是有益的，反之则可能对人类自身产生负面影响这个大思路。

　　由以上例子不难看出，写作的审题还是很容易产生一定偏差的。我们在下笔写字之前一定要花五分钟时间研究下题目，确保不偏题，这才是写作能够拿六分的一个保证。

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