雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点 雅思作文开头写作技巧

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点 雅思作文开头写作技巧，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。

雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点

In many countries, the number of elderly people is increasing fast. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays, owning to the improvement of living condition(这里习惯用复数), people can live much longer than before, which gives rise to the fast increasing number of elderly people. Some hold that this situation will result in a series of problems, such as social burden, population expansion and so on. While others insist that it agrees the development of modern society and brings many advantages. For my part, I take the latter side with(用for) the following reasons: (74words)

点评：开头稍微写的有点长，不过内容写的还不错。属于通过分析两种不同观点，最后阐述自己观点的写法。(此种写法在雅思大作文的第一段比较常见)

美中不足的是倒数第二句的错误比较明显!while是个连词，应该连接句子与句子，所以这里前面不应该是句号。后面agree是不及物动词，不能直接加宾语。

Firstly, elder people(一会儿elderly people,一会儿又elder people，这不是自相矛盾么!!!) are the fortune of our society. They have enough experiences and capabilities which are badly lacked and needed for our youth when dealing with all sorts of problems, they can still do well in their jobs. Especially(前面应该用逗号，然后这里小写) in some professions, such as teacher, doctor, scientist and so on, sometimes (前面应该用句号，然后这里大写)age means the authority and ability. When you see a doctor, do you prefer an elderly doctor with grey hair or a youth without mustache? (77words)

Secondly, elder people(同上) are the happiness of our society. Increasing number of elderly people is also the embodiment of our improving living quality, which shows our society run(应该第三人称单数)to the right and healthy direction, we(前面句号，这里大写) have more chance and time to serve our elderly people, and it’s the happiest time of all our life to accompany with(accompany是及物动词) our parents, grandparents and great grandparents. (63words)

Finally, elderly people are the lubricant of our society. They have good temper and enough patients(应该是patience吧) to do anything, they can help us to intercede(它是不及物动词，而且主要用人作宾语) social disputes, and they make our society much more harmonious which(前面最好有个逗号)makes for the construction of harmonious society.(43words)

正文段综合点评：此篇是典型的5段式作文的写作，正文段构思出三个分论点来证明自己的观点，的确在构思上花了不少心思。但是，这里我想提的是，还是两方面都分析一下会比较好一点。特别这篇文章是问优点多还是缺点多，那么最好是缺点讲一个，然后优点再讲两个。外国人喜欢这样的辩证分析。

其次，总的来说，作者的语言还是挺流畅的。但是似乎标点有问题，该用句号的时候用逗号，改用逗号的时候用句号，这个也要扣分的!

From mentioned above, the advantages of increasing number of elderly people are obvious more than it disadvantages(典型的Chinese English.应该说there are obviously more advantages than disadvantages.). Elderly people are not the burden of our society but the source of fortune, happiness and harmony of our society.(37words)

全文总评：

尽管总的来说语言水平还是很不错的，内容也写得很充实，但缺点是语言方面还是不够细腻。此文7分。

雅思作文开头写作技巧

下面雅思频道为大家整理了关于雅思作文开头写作技巧的相关信息。在雅思作文写作技巧当中，大家一定要掌握的一个就是关于开头的写作技巧，开头是整个雅思写作当中最先接受检验的部分，那么雅思作文开头写作有什么技巧呢?

雅思作文开头当中比较常规的写法是在开头段的开始对议论文的话题作背景陈述，通常是大致介绍雅思作文考题中所涉及的事物或行为在当今社会的总体情况或特征。这种写作方式中规中矩，非常常见，但是一看就是千篇一律，非常容易给人以模板话地印象，很难表现出个性化色彩。

这样的雅思作文开头导致很多文章总是在用" Nowadays... "、" With the development of... "等套句，甚至于让考官一看就知道是从模板抽出来的。

雅思作文开头写作当中最重要的技巧就是要有个性化的表达，个性化的表达可以使文章的背景介绍与自己的亲身经历相结合，使文章变得更为鲜活，开头段便显得与众不同，引起考官的注意。下面来看一个例子：

People in the modern world are enjoying greater wealth but they are not as fit and active as they were in the past. What are the reasons? Suggest some measures to solve this problem.

个性化引言段

I keep on nodding in agreement when seeing the background information of the question. I myself have always been struggling not to be overweight. Unfortunately, like most others, I failed. As to why people nowadays are not as fit and active as they were, various factors can be identified.

从上面的例子当中我们可以看到，一个好的开头段对雅思作文写作的作用不言而喻，所以大家在准备自己的雅思作文开头写作的时候，一定要记得要让自己的开头更加的个性化，这样才能更加的突出。

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