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雅思作文高分策略:如何将简单句变为复杂句 雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装

更新:2023年04月05日 01:39 雅思无忧

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雅思作文高分策略:如何将简单句变为复杂句 雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装

雅思作文高分策略:如何将简单句变为复杂句

在教学过程中,强调让学生多写单句,单句写好了,复杂句也会写。这个做法可能和大部分的老师是相反的。但这个教学方法基于一个简单的道理:雅思考官不好蒙骗。你一个复杂句如果写的不对,考官马上可以看出来,分数马上就会降低。因此,踏实写好简单句,分数更加容易提高。

只有当你熟悉单句后,才可以将句子连接起来。

方法1:如果两个简单句没有因果关系,基本上是两个独立的事情,往往可以简单地用and相连。

举例:Children are not sensitive to prices and parents prefer to satisfy their needs.

方法2:如果两个简单句有一定的因果关系,往往可以用状语从句相连。

一般来说,if 和when引导条件状语从句(也有一定因果关系,只是不那么强)

举例:If advertising campaigns directed at children are regulated, children will not pester their parents to buy many goods for them.

Since, as, because, so等引导原因或者结果状语从句,表示比较强的因果关系

举例:some children like fast food since they are overwhelmed by fast food advertisements every day.

方法3:如果状语从句怕重复,可以用and(或者;)+连接词的方式

有很多连接词because of this, as a result of this, consequently, as a consequence 等,都是表示因果关系。

举例:some children are addicted to violent video games, and because of this, they can show aggression and bully their peers at school.

方法4:如果第一个单句的最后一个单词和第二个单句的第一个单词重复,可以用定语从句连接。

举例:Children are increasingly temperamental due to their addiction to violent electronic games. These games are normally promoted by advertising firms.

可以改成:Children are increasingly temperamental due to their addiction to violent electronic games, which are normally promoted by advertising firms.

方法5:如果第二个单句是第一个单句的结果,有可能使用非限制性定语从句

举例:Advertisements have given a lot of information about products. This enables parents to make well-informed buying decisions.

可以改成:Advertisements have given a lot of information about products, which can help parents to make well-informed buying decisions.

简而言之,不要嫌弃简单句,简单句写熟了,复杂句很容易写

雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装

注:一篇学生的习作,里面出现的问题,尤其是首段出现的问题很值得各位雅思学员注意。

希望大家看完原文的开头之后,应该思考我们课堂上所讲的文章开头的背景交代的改写方法。

Topic: In many countries people no longer wear their national costumes. They are forgetting their history and traditions, more people should be encouraged to wear their national costumes everyday. Do you agree or disagree.

原文:

In this day and age, as a pace of social development, a various kinds of clothes are winning tremendous popularity in some countries. But in the meantime, it has drawn a great deal of attention to the problem that whether more people should be encouraged to wear national clothes everyday. As far as I am concerned, people should not wear them per day.

In the first place, it is generally acknowledge that traditional clothes of some countries are unconvenient for national residents to work. It is a fact that some of their costumes, such as kimono of Japan,cheongsam of china and Korea-style cothes, they are too long and big to work. In particular policemen and doctors,these careers are hard to be done if they are wearing such clothes.

In the second place, not wearing national costumes doesnot mean their citizens forgetting their history and traditions. Some countries’ history and traditions are still studied by young children. Take Japanese as an example, they always knee down when they are eating meals.

Finally, clothes should be kept abreast with step of social development. The style of clothes can mirror the custom in a period of time in a country. Dr. Wang who especialize in sociey asses*ent supported this view in a paper. And he said that people living in this fast-pace society should wear neat clothes which are conveninet when they are working.

To sum up, I completely disagree with wiew that people wear the national clothes everyday in the current society. In my opinion, with amount of colthes into our lives,our daily lives should be colorful and fashionable.

点评:

1. 原文开头模板痕迹比较明显,而且未能将背景信息交代清楚。应该按照课上所讲审题步骤理清文章的习作思路:即,BI(Background information)+WT(writing tasks)。因此,首段应该交代好背景信息和自己的观点(已交代)。

2. 原文中部分句子之间的Cohesion出现问题。如, “Some countries’ history and traditions are still studied by young children.” 是对上句的佐证,需加入对比联系词in fact/ on the contrary

3. 文章多次出现单词拼写错误,希望引起足够重视。

4. 文章最后可以在分析不必要性之后,提出消除人们担心的办法。

修改:

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