如何拯救你字数不够的雅思作文 雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了如何拯救你字数不够的雅思作文 雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。

如何拯救你字数不够的雅思作文？

在雅思议论文写作中，通常建议大家遵循introduction- body-conclusion(引言段-主体段-结论段)的“三步曲”。Body(主体)段落提供了论证观点的理由，是整个文章的主体，在评分中占有很大的比重。

例如9分雅思作文评分就要求：

presents a fully developed position in answer to the question with relevant, fully extended and well supported ideas

如果你问，什么叫fully extended / well supported?就是丰满的主体段。

即使是5分作文，也要求：

is well organized and well developed, using clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications, and/or details

即同样要主体段落丰满才行。

一般来说，想要雅思作文写的好，至少需要含有两个主体段，且每个主体段都必须拥有明确的主题句即topic sentence，并有若干句supporting sentences，也就是我们常说的论据与论点。建议大家在练习议论文写作时遵循几个简单的原则，就能够迅速完成理由段，并且构建连贯和理由充分的议论文哦!

Write a topic sentence for each paragraph you plan to write. Each topic sentence should relate to your thesis statement and introduce what the paragraph will be about. If you find that the topics you want to discuss do not support the thesis statement you have written, revise your thesis statement or reconsider your topic sentences.

简单的来说，就是每一段，必!须!拥有一个明确的主题句，所有论据都围绕这一句展开，避免小段跑题。

Write ideas that support your topic sentences. The topic sentence for each paragraph tells the reader what the paragraph will be about. The ideas stated in the rest of the paragraph should all relate to the topic sentence.

支持句必须围绕主题句展开，烤鸭们一定要注意这一点，如果跑题，那么就会出现较为严重的扣分，那可真是哭都来不及啦!

例子看这里

Hobbies are important for many reasons. First, a hobby can be educational. For example, if the hobby is stamp collecting, the person can learn about the countries of the world and even some of their history. Second, engaging in a hobby can lead to meeting other people with the same interests. A person can also meet other people by going to the school. Third, a person's free time is being used in a positive way. The person has no time to be bored or get into mischief while engaged in the hobby. Finally, some hobbies can lead to a future job. A person who enjoys a hobby-related job is moresatisfied with life.

后面紧跟的First，second, third都是为了支持前面的第一句话。此外，在每一个点，又加入新的支持。比如在First句后面，又加了For example，来支持前面的观点，这样层层递进，文章就看起来格外的脉络清晰。这句中，很明显主题句就是Hobbies are important for many reasons.

但本段也并非完美无瑕哦~ A person can also meet other people by going the school"与hobby重要的原因没有关系，因此削弱了整个段落的连贯性与统一性，应该被去掉。

雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装

注：一篇学生的习作，里面出现的问题，尤其是首段出现的问题很值得各位雅思学员注意。

希望大家看完原文的开头之后，应该思考我们课堂上所讲的文章开头的背景交代的改写方法。

Topic: In many countries people no longer wear their national costumes. They are forgetting their history and traditions, more people should be encouraged to wear their national costumes everyday. Do you agree or disagree.

原文：

In this day and age, as a pace of social development, a various kinds of clothes are winning tremendous popularity in some countries. But in the meantime, it has drawn a great deal of attention to the problem that whether more people should be encouraged to wear national clothes everyday. As far as I am concerned, people should not wear them per day.

In the first place, it is generally acknowledge that traditional clothes of some countries are unconvenient for national residents to work. It is a fact that some of their costumes, such as kimono of Japan,cheongsam of china and Korea-style cothes, they are too long and big to work. In particular policemen and doctors,these careers are hard to be done if they are wearing such clothes.

In the second place, not wearing national costumes doesnot mean their citizens forgetting their history and traditions. Some countries’ history and traditions are still studied by young children. Take Japanese as an example, they always knee down when they are eating meals.

Finally, clothes should be kept abreast with step of social development. The style of clothes can mirror the custom in a period of time in a country. Dr. Wang who especialize in sociey asses*ent supported this view in a paper. And he said that people living in this fast-pace society should wear neat clothes which are conveninet when they are working.

To sum up, I completely disagree with wiew that people wear the national clothes everyday in the current society. In my opinion, with amount of colthes into our lives,our daily lives should be colorful and fashionable.

点评：

1. 原文开头模板痕迹比较明显，而且未能将背景信息交代清楚。应该按照课上所讲审题步骤理清文章的习作思路：即，BI(Background information)+WT(writing tasks)。因此，首段应该交代好背景信息和自己的观点（已交代）。

2. 原文中部分句子之间的Cohesion出现问题。如， “Some countries’ history and traditions are still studied by young children.” 是对上句的佐证，需加入对比联系词in fact/ on the contrary

3. 文章多次出现单词拼写错误，希望引起足够重视。

4. 文章最后可以在分析不必要性之后，提出消除人们担心的办法。

修改：

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