雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点雅思作文不同分数段的不同开篇段落区别掌握

更新：2023年04月06日 11:12 雅思无忧

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点雅思作文不同分数段的不同开篇段落区别掌握，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。
雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点雅思作文不同分数段的不同开篇段落区别掌握

雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点

In many countries, the number of elderly people is increasing fast. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays, owning to the improvement of living condition(这里习惯用复数), people can live much longer than before, which gives rise to the fast increasing number of elderly people. Some hold that this situation will result in a series of problems, such as social burden, population expansion and so on. While others insist that it agrees the development of modern society and brings many advantages. For my part, I take the latter side with(用for) the following reasons: (74words)

点评：开头稍微写的有点长，不过内容写的还不错。属于通过分析两种不同观点，最后阐述自己观点的写法。(此种写法在雅思大作文的第一段比较常见)

美中不足的是倒数第二句的错误比较明显!while是个连词，应该连接句子与句子，所以这里前面不应该是句号。后面agree是不及物动词，不能直接加宾语。

Firstly, elder people(一会儿elderly people,一会儿又elder people，这不是自相矛盾么!!!) are the fortune of our society. They have enough experiences and capabilities which are badly lacked and needed for our youth when dealing with all sorts of problems, they can still do well in their jobs. Especially(前面应该用逗号，然后这里小写) in some professions, such as teacher, doctor, scientist and so on, sometimes (前面应该用句号，然后这里大写)age means the authority and ability. When you see a doctor, do you prefer an elderly doctor with grey hair or a youth without mustache? (77words)

Secondly, elder people(同上) are the happiness of our society. Increasing number of elderly people is also the embodiment of our improving living quality, which shows our society run(应该第三人称单数)to the right and healthy direction, we(前面句号，这里大写) have more chance and time to serve our elderly people, and it’s the happiest time of all our life to accompany with(accompany是及物动词) our parents, grandparents and great grandparents. (63words)

Finally, elderly people are the lubricant of our society. They have good temper and enough patients(应该是patience吧) to do anything, they can help us to intercede(它是不及物动词，而且主要用人作宾语) social disputes, and they make our society much more harmonious which(前面最好有个逗号)makes for the construction of harmonious society.(43words)

正文段综合点评：此篇是典型的5段式作文的写作，正文段构思出三个分论点来证明自己的观点，的确在构思上花了不少心思。但是，这里我想提的是，还是两方面都分析一下会比较好一点。特别这篇文章是问优点多还是缺点多，那么最好是缺点讲一个，然后优点再讲两个。外国人喜欢这样的辩证分析。

其次，总的来说，作者的语言还是挺流畅的。但是似乎标点有问题，该用句号的时候用逗号，改用逗号的时候用句号，这个也要扣分的!

From mentioned above, the advantages of increasing number of elderly people are obvious more than it disadvantages(典型的Chinese English.应该说there are obviously more advantages than disadvantages.). Elderly people are not the burden of our society but the source of fortune, happiness and harmony of our society.(37words)

全文总评：

尽管总的来说语言水平还是很不错的，内容也写得很充实，但缺点是语言方面还是不够细腻。此文7分。

雅思作文不同分数段的不同开篇段落区别掌握

如何应对雅思写作？

在雅思写作考试部分里，往往我们可以采纳“老三段”式的写法，以不变应万变，不论是线图，柱图，表格，饼图，亦或是流程图，我们都可以采用此种方式完成第一部分的作文。那么老三段式的经典写法中，强调着第一段“开门见山”介绍出本文讨论内容，即改写题目。将必要内容进行改写，这样可以获得高分效应。第二段“丰实的内容”尽量多地将图表中的信息表达明确，不时的需要我们之前总结的常用表达（敬请参见前几篇文章关于雅思作文经典表达介绍文章）。第三段也就是文章的最后一段，对全文进行一个总结概括即可。

那么本文将着眼于介绍开头段的常用高频高分表达，希望对众屠鸭有所帮助。也请屠鸭们积极准备！

五分表达：

The chart depicts (that)…该图呈现出…

The chart shows (that)…

The figures/statistics show (that)…

The diagram reveals …

The chart illustrates (that)…

六分表达：

The graph provides some interesting data regarding…该图为我们提供了有关…有趣数据。

The graph describes the trend of …这个图描述了…的趋势

As is shown/demonstrated/exhibited in the chart/diagram/chart/table…如图所示…

According to the chart …根据这些表格…

As is shown in the table…如图所示…

This table shows the changing proportion of A and B from … to …该表格描述了…年到…年之间A与B的比例关系。

This graph,presented in the chart,shows the general trend in…该图呈现了…总的趋势。

As can be seen from the graph, the two graphs show the flutuation of…如图所示，两条曲线描述了…的波动情况。

高分表达：

From the table/chart/diagram/figure,we can see clearly that…从图表中我们可以很清楚的看到…

The chart shows the changes in the number of …over the period from…to…该表格描述了在…年到…年之间…数量的变化。