雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装 雅思作文分类:学习生活

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装 雅思作文分类:学习生活，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。

雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装

注：一篇学生的习作，里面出现的问题，尤其是首段出现的问题很值得各位雅思学员注意。

希望大家看完原文的开头之后，应该思考我们课堂上所讲的文章开头的背景交代的改写方法。

Topic: In many countries people no longer wear their national costumes. They are forgetting their history and traditions, more people should be encouraged to wear their national costumes everyday. Do you agree or disagree.

原文：

In this day and age, as a pace of social development, a various kinds of clothes are winning tremendous popularity in some countries. But in the meantime, it has drawn a great deal of attention to the problem that whether more people should be encouraged to wear national clothes everyday. As far as I am concerned, people should not wear them per day.

In the first place, it is generally acknowledge that traditional clothes of some countries are unconvenient for national residents to work. It is a fact that some of their costumes, such as kimono of Japan,cheongsam of china and Korea-style cothes, they are too long and big to work. In particular policemen and doctors,these careers are hard to be done if they are wearing such clothes.

In the second place, not wearing national costumes doesnot mean their citizens forgetting their history and traditions. Some countries’ history and traditions are still studied by young children. Take Japanese as an example, they always knee down when they are eating meals.

Finally, clothes should be kept abreast with step of social development. The style of clothes can mirror the custom in a period of time in a country. Dr. Wang who especialize in sociey asses*ent supported this view in a paper. And he said that people living in this fast-pace society should wear neat clothes which are conveninet when they are working.

To sum up, I completely disagree with wiew that people wear the national clothes everyday in the current society. In my opinion, with amount of colthes into our lives,our daily lives should be colorful and fashionable.

点评：

1. 原文开头模板痕迹比较明显，而且未能将背景信息交代清楚。应该按照课上所讲审题步骤理清文章的习作思路：即，BI(Background information)+WT(writing tasks)。因此，首段应该交代好背景信息和自己的观点（已交代）。

2. 原文中部分句子之间的Cohesion出现问题。如， “Some countries’ history and traditions are still studied by young children.” 是对上句的佐证，需加入对比联系词in fact/ on the contrary

3. 文章多次出现单词拼写错误，希望引起足够重视。

4. 文章最后可以在分析不必要性之后，提出消除人们担心的办法。

修改：

2006雅思作文分类:学习生活

3.11 Nowadays, the young people is leaving school and unable to find a job. Why?
The reason that you think which cause such kind of phenomenon, the individual young people or society.
Which measures can be taken to....?

3.18 Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students how to judge right and wrong and to behave well. Some say that teachers should only teach students about academic subjects. Discuss both and give your opinion.

6.24 Some people think that it's beneficial for students to go to private secondary schools, but others feel that it can be a negative effect on.... Discuss the two points and give your opinion.

7.22 It's better for students to study at university rather than study at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

8.12 In order to learn a language well, we should also learn about the country as well as the cultures and lifestyles of the people who speak it.

9.16大学专业该由学生的兴趣来决定还是由*来决定。

9.23unpaid community work do more benefit to young * or bring more drawback

10.14some people think the main purpose of schools is to turn children to a good citizen or worker rather than to benefit them as individuals.

10.28As most people spend a majority part of their * life in work. Job satisfaction is an important part of individual well-being.What are the factors contribute to the job satisfaction?How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction of all workers?Reasons and relevant examples of your own knowledge and experience.什么因素是让人对工作满意的。Factors of Job Satisfaction.你认为所有的工人对他们工作的期待（expectation）有多现实(realistic)。

以上就是雅思无忧网为您准备的访问雅思无忧网(https://www.yasi.cn/)，了解更多雅思考试新消息，新动态。

雅思培训
免责声明：文章内容来自网络，如有侵权请及时联系删除。