雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装 雅思作文分类:社会

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雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装

注：一篇学生的习作，里面出现的问题，尤其是首段出现的问题很值得各位雅思学员注意。

希望大家看完原文的开头之后，应该思考我们课堂上所讲的文章开头的背景交代的改写方法。

Topic: In many countries people no longer wear their national costumes. They are forgetting their history and traditions, more people should be encouraged to wear their national costumes everyday. Do you agree or disagree.

原文：

In this day and age, as a pace of social development, a various kinds of clothes are winning tremendous popularity in some countries. But in the meantime, it has drawn a great deal of attention to the problem that whether more people should be encouraged to wear national clothes everyday. As far as I am concerned, people should not wear them per day.

In the first place, it is generally acknowledge that traditional clothes of some countries are unconvenient for national residents to work. It is a fact that some of their costumes, such as kimono of Japan,cheongsam of china and Korea-style cothes, they are too long and big to work. In particular policemen and doctors,these careers are hard to be done if they are wearing such clothes.

In the second place, not wearing national costumes doesnot mean their citizens forgetting their history and traditions. Some countries’ history and traditions are still studied by young children. Take Japanese as an example, they always knee down when they are eating meals.

Finally, clothes should be kept abreast with step of social development. The style of clothes can mirror the custom in a period of time in a country. Dr. Wang who especialize in sociey asses*ent supported this view in a paper. And he said that people living in this fast-pace society should wear neat clothes which are conveninet when they are working.

To sum up, I completely disagree with wiew that people wear the national clothes everyday in the current society. In my opinion, with amount of colthes into our lives,our daily lives should be colorful and fashionable.

点评：

1. 原文开头模板痕迹比较明显，而且未能将背景信息交代清楚。应该按照课上所讲审题步骤理清文章的习作思路：即，BI(Background information)+WT(writing tasks)。因此，首段应该交代好背景信息和自己的观点（已交代）。

2. 原文中部分句子之间的Cohesion出现问题。如， “Some countries’ history and traditions are still studied by young children.” 是对上句的佐证，需加入对比联系词in fact/ on the contrary

3. 文章多次出现单词拼写错误，希望引起足够重视。

4. 文章最后可以在分析不必要性之后，提出消除人们担心的办法。

修改：

2006雅思作文分类:社会

1.7 Some people think that they should not pay tax to state. To what extend do you agree or disagree. Give the reason that you agree or disagree or the examples.

2.11 In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing, this trend have more positive or negative effects on society.

4.22 Some consider that history is little or no use to us, others believe that studying history helps us to know the present. Discuss their views and give your own opinion.

5.20 Talk about do the problems that coursed by international travel outweighs the advantages

6.10 Some people prefer to provide help and support directly in those local communities who need it. However, some people prefer to put their money in the national and international organizations. Argue both sides. Give your reasons.

7.8 In many countries today there is insufficient respect to old people. What are the reasons? What problems it might cause?

8.5 Some people think museums should be enjoyable places to attract and entertain young people. Other think the pursues of museums is educate, not entertain.

8.26 Due to the increasing cultural and business communication between countries, differences between countries have become less evident. People in different countries watch the same movies, read the same books and have the same fashions. To what extent do the advantages of international media outweigh the disadvantages?

11.4somebody argue that the good health is basic human needs, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do you think the disadvantages of the private health care outweigh the advantages.)

12.2some people think male leaders always lead us to violence and conflict, but female leaders are better than male leaders to give us the better governed and more peaceful society.Do you agree or disagree, put toward extend of your opinion.

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