雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点 雅思作文“论证”的秘诀

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点 雅思作文“论证”的秘诀，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。

雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点

In many countries, the number of elderly people is increasing fast. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays, owning to the improvement of living condition(这里习惯用复数), people can live much longer than before, which gives rise to the fast increasing number of elderly people. Some hold that this situation will result in a series of problems, such as social burden, population expansion and so on. While others insist that it agrees the development of modern society and brings many advantages. For my part, I take the latter side with(用for) the following reasons: (74words)

点评：开头稍微写的有点长，不过内容写的还不错。属于通过分析两种不同观点，最后阐述自己观点的写法。(此种写法在雅思大作文的第一段比较常见)

美中不足的是倒数第二句的错误比较明显!while是个连词，应该连接句子与句子，所以这里前面不应该是句号。后面agree是不及物动词，不能直接加宾语。

Firstly, elder people(一会儿elderly people,一会儿又elder people，这不是自相矛盾么!!!) are the fortune of our society. They have enough experiences and capabilities which are badly lacked and needed for our youth when dealing with all sorts of problems, they can still do well in their jobs. Especially(前面应该用逗号，然后这里小写) in some professions, such as teacher, doctor, scientist and so on, sometimes (前面应该用句号，然后这里大写)age means the authority and ability. When you see a doctor, do you prefer an elderly doctor with grey hair or a youth without mustache? (77words)

Secondly, elder people(同上) are the happiness of our society. Increasing number of elderly people is also the embodiment of our improving living quality, which shows our society run(应该第三人称单数)to the right and healthy direction, we(前面句号，这里大写) have more chance and time to serve our elderly people, and it’s the happiest time of all our life to accompany with(accompany是及物动词) our parents, grandparents and great grandparents. (63words)

Finally, elderly people are the lubricant of our society. They have good temper and enough patients(应该是patience吧) to do anything, they can help us to intercede(它是不及物动词，而且主要用人作宾语) social disputes, and they make our society much more harmonious which(前面最好有个逗号)makes for the construction of harmonious society.(43words)

正文段综合点评：此篇是典型的5段式作文的写作，正文段构思出三个分论点来证明自己的观点，的确在构思上花了不少心思。但是，这里我想提的是，还是两方面都分析一下会比较好一点。特别这篇文章是问优点多还是缺点多，那么最好是缺点讲一个，然后优点再讲两个。外国人喜欢这样的辩证分析。

其次，总的来说，作者的语言还是挺流畅的。但是似乎标点有问题，该用句号的时候用逗号，改用逗号的时候用句号，这个也要扣分的!

From mentioned above, the advantages of increasing number of elderly people are obvious more than it disadvantages(典型的Chinese English.应该说there are obviously more advantages than disadvantages.). Elderly people are not the burden of our society but the source of fortune, happiness and harmony of our society.(37words)

全文总评：

尽管总的来说语言水平还是很不错的，内容也写得很充实，但缺点是语言方面还是不够细腻。此文7分。

雅思作文“论证”的秘诀 作文并不是讲道理

雅思大作文考的是议论文，即考查考生是否能够在相对较短的时间内搜集论据，具体地论证自己的观点。另外，大作文的话题范围也很广，*社会、工作、经济、科技、教育等话题都会考到。但对于长期接触国内英语学习的学生来说，在写作时仍然会摸不着头脑，无处下笔。因为中国考生很少考虑这方面的问题，学校老师也很少鼓励对这些社会话题进行讨论，造成考生想问题往往只能按照固定模式，因而论证非常空洞、缺乏说服力。

中国考生在应对雅思作文时喜欢通过讲道理来说明问题，但话题中并不是所有题目和内容都可以通过道理来说服他人的，比如关于“anti-social behavior”, 属于道德范畴的话题，是很难用道理来讲清楚的。所以，建议考生在备考时需要加强论据论证的能力，使其能够很好地支持自己的观点。

那么，应该如何对大作文进行有力的论证呢？最常用的方式就是解释和例证，几乎在每一篇雅思大作文中，都可以看见这两种论证方法的身影。

如下面关于“work at home or study at home”的一段例证：

IBM, one of the business giants, has saved nearly 70 million US dollars in its northeastern region by promoting telecommuting, which has been a driving force to other enterprises to convert their normal working staff into telecommuters. Companies in Japan are one of them and plan to launch the scheme in 2009, which, in turn, spiritually wins more supports from the existing employees, and attracts new hires. 这段话中的2个例子（商业巨头IBM和日本的企业计划）都较好地完成了“若员工选择在家上班，会对公司带来积极的作用”这一证明。

此外，提醒考生们需要注意的是，雅思大作文明确指出“give reasons or examples from your own experience”, 这里的“your own experience”和“your personal experience”是完全不同的概念。前者是指通过个人的学习和总结而获得的经验，后者是指个人经历或周围某个个体的故事。如谈到“working hard produces better results”, “your own experience”的例子一定是“some 3-year-high school students usually stay up late to review lessons and prepare for next day classes”, 而“your personal experience”的例子则应该是“my roommate, Tony has always been working hard on studies and staying up late every night”, 不难看出两者的区别。故雅思大作文是不能使用个人案例的论据的，这一点与新托福(课程)的写作也是不同的。

另外，数据论证也是一个重要的方法，同时也是国外文章中非常常见的。使用这种方式，需要注意两点：数据和数据的来源。数据的真实性不重要，但至少要看上去是“真实的”。如：A survey by the latest Ministry of Labour’s opinion poll shows that more companies would like to open their doors to disabled people, as long as they can access to modern technology, and the rate has been increasing every year by 5% since 2003.

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