雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点 如何使你的雅思作文句型富有变化(下)

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点 如何使你的雅思作文句型富有变化(下)，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。

雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点

In many countries, the number of elderly people is increasing fast. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays, owning to the improvement of living condition(这里习惯用复数), people can live much longer than before, which gives rise to the fast increasing number of elderly people. Some hold that this situation will result in a series of problems, such as social burden, population expansion and so on. While others insist that it agrees the development of modern society and brings many advantages. For my part, I take the latter side with(用for) the following reasons: (74words)

点评：开头稍微写的有点长，不过内容写的还不错。属于通过分析两种不同观点，最后阐述自己观点的写法。(此种写法在雅思大作文的第一段比较常见)

美中不足的是倒数第二句的错误比较明显!while是个连词，应该连接句子与句子，所以这里前面不应该是句号。后面agree是不及物动词，不能直接加宾语。

Firstly, elder people(一会儿elderly people,一会儿又elder people，这不是自相矛盾么!!!) are the fortune of our society. They have enough experiences and capabilities which are badly lacked and needed for our youth when dealing with all sorts of problems, they can still do well in their jobs. Especially(前面应该用逗号，然后这里小写) in some professions, such as teacher, doctor, scientist and so on, sometimes (前面应该用句号，然后这里大写)age means the authority and ability. When you see a doctor, do you prefer an elderly doctor with grey hair or a youth without mustache? (77words)

Secondly, elder people(同上) are the happiness of our society. Increasing number of elderly people is also the embodiment of our improving living quality, which shows our society run(应该第三人称单数)to the right and healthy direction, we(前面句号，这里大写) have more chance and time to serve our elderly people, and it’s the happiest time of all our life to accompany with(accompany是及物动词) our parents, grandparents and great grandparents. (63words)

Finally, elderly people are the lubricant of our society. They have good temper and enough patients(应该是patience吧) to do anything, they can help us to intercede(它是不及物动词，而且主要用人作宾语) social disputes, and they make our society much more harmonious which(前面最好有个逗号)makes for the construction of harmonious society.(43words)

正文段综合点评：此篇是典型的5段式作文的写作，正文段构思出三个分论点来证明自己的观点，的确在构思上花了不少心思。但是，这里我想提的是，还是两方面都分析一下会比较好一点。特别这篇文章是问优点多还是缺点多，那么最好是缺点讲一个，然后优点再讲两个。外国人喜欢这样的辩证分析。

其次，总的来说，作者的语言还是挺流畅的。但是似乎标点有问题，该用句号的时候用逗号，改用逗号的时候用句号，这个也要扣分的!

From mentioned above, the advantages of increasing number of elderly people are obvious more than it disadvantages(典型的Chinese English.应该说there are obviously more advantages than disadvantages.). Elderly people are not the burden of our society but the source of fortune, happiness and harmony of our society.(37words)

全文总评：

尽管总的来说语言水平还是很不错的，内容也写得很充实，但缺点是语言方面还是不够细腻。此文7分。

如何使你的雅思作文句型富有变化(下)

三、长短句交插 　　长句和短句是就句子的字数多少、形体长短而言的。长句和短句各有其优点和缺点。长句，因为使用的定语、状语较多，限制了概念的外延，增大了概念的内涵，所以比较精确、严密，但使用起来不够活泼简便。短句，由于字数少，直截了当，一般比较简洁、明快、有力，但不利于表达复杂的语义内容。在具体语言活动中，最好长短句交替使用。这既体现了节奏上的要求，也是意义上的需要。例如： 　　(1)We can imagine the beautiful surroundings.(2)There are many trees along the streets.(3)There is a clean river in the city.(4) There are many fishes in the river.(5)There are willow trees on the one side.(6)There are some pieces of grassland on the other side.(7)There are many flowers on them. 　　文中七个句子都是简单句，句型结构单一，而且句子长短同一，都在七、八词左右，十分单调。下面是修改后的段落： 　　(1)Just imagine the beautiful surroundings if we make our cities greener.(2)Green trees line the streets.(3)A clean river winds through the city，in which a lot of fishes abound.(4)On the one side stand rows of willow trees.(5)On the other side lies a stretch of grassland sprinkled with many yellow and red flowers. 　　改写后的这段文字，有长句(1)、(3)、(5)，也有短句(2)和(4)，一长一短，抑扬顿挫的节奏感就出来了。不仅句子长短交插，而且句型结构变化也很大，使文章流畅自然，生动活泼。 　　四、利用倒装结构 　　英语的基本句型是S+V+O，如果偶尔打破常规，改变某一成分的位置，不仅可以丰富句型，而且能强调、突出被倒装的部分，收到意想不到的表达效果。例如： 　　1)In no other place in the world can one find such enthusia* for applying for hosting the 2008 Olympic Games. 　　2)Faith in the Chinese economic reforms the majority of people will never lose. 　　总之，英语的句式是多种多样的，只要从要表达的内容出发合理选用，文章的句式就会富于变化。同时，在学习写作的过程中，学生应不断练习构造各种各样句式，以提高语言表达能力。

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