如何避免写出“官腔”范儿的雅思作文 雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了如何避免写出“官腔”范儿的雅思作文 雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。

如何避免写出“官腔”范儿的雅思作文

　　雅思大作文考的是议论文，即考查考生是否能够在相对较短的时间内搜集论据，具体地论证自己的观点。但受国内教育体制的影响，中国考生往往缺乏对这些社会话题的深刻思考和讨论，造成思考模式的僵化与狭隘，写的太“官腔。

　　雅思大作文考的是议论文，即考查考生是否能够在相对较短的时间内搜集论据，具体地论证自己的观点。但受国内教育体制的影响，中国考生往往缺乏对这些社会话题的深刻思考和讨论，造成思考模式的僵化与狭隘，因而论证非常空洞、缺乏说服力，写的太“官腔。

　　那么，应该如何对大作文进行有力的论证呢?最常用的方式就是解释和例证，几乎在每一篇雅思大作文中，都可以看见这两种论证方法的身影。

　　下面关于“work at home or study at home”的一段例证：

　　IBM, one of the business giants, has saved nearly 70 million US dollars in its northeastern region by promoting telecommuting, which has been a driving force to other enterprises to convert their normal working staff into telecommuters. Companies in Japan are one of them and plan to launch the scheme in 2009, which, in turn, spiritually wins more supports from the existing employees, and attracts new hires. 这段话中的2个例子(商业巨头IBM和日本的企业计划)都较好地完成了“若员工选择在家上班，会对公司带来积极的作用”这一证明。

　　此外，提醒考生们需要注意的是，雅思大作文明确指出“give reasons or examples from your own experience”， 这里的“your own experience”和“your personal experience”是完全不同的概念。前者是指通过个人的学习和总结而获得的经验，后者是指个人经历或周围某个个体的故事。如谈到“working hard produces better results”， “your own experience”的例子一定是“some 3-year-high school students usually stay up late to review lessons and prepare for next day classes”， 而“your personal experience”的例子则应该是“my roommate, Tony has always been working hard on studies and staying up late every night”， 不难看出两者的区别。故雅思大作文是不能使用个人案例的论据的，这一点与新托福的写作也是不同的。

　　另外，数据论证也是一个重要的方法，同时也是国外文章中非常常见的。使用这种方式，需要注意两点：数据和数据的来源。数据的真实性不重要，但至少要看上去是“真实的”。如：A survey by the latest Ministry of Labour’s opinion poll shows that more companies would like to open their doors to disabled people, as long as they can access to modern technology, and the rate has been increasing every year by 5% since 2003.

　　使用数据论证，提醒考生们不要刻意将数据夸张，这样反而会降低数据的真实可靠性。常见的句型有“a survey by….shows that / a research by….finds out that / a study by….suggests that / Statistics by….conclude that…”省略号的部分是需要根据文章的内容来填写的数据来源出处或机构。常用的机构包括：国外大学、学院、报纸、杂志、电视台、之声、网站、研究机构、民意调查等。我们按顺序给大家做一个示范：the University of Sussex, Business College of several European countries, the USATODAY, state media CNN, BBC Talking Point, , American Institute for Research, Harris Interactive Poll等，考生可按照自己的情况，来准备几个备选方案以供使用。

雅思作文修改:是否应鼓励更多人每天穿传统服装

注：一篇学生的习作，里面出现的问题，尤其是首段出现的问题很值得各位雅思学员注意。

希望大家看完原文的开头之后，应该思考我们课堂上所讲的文章开头的背景交代的改写方法。

Topic: In many countries people no longer wear their national costumes. They are forgetting their history and traditions, more people should be encouraged to wear their national costumes everyday. Do you agree or disagree.

原文：

In this day and age, as a pace of social development, a various kinds of clothes are winning tremendous popularity in some countries. But in the meantime, it has drawn a great deal of attention to the problem that whether more people should be encouraged to wear national clothes everyday. As far as I am concerned, people should not wear them per day.

In the first place, it is generally acknowledge that traditional clothes of some countries are unconvenient for national residents to work. It is a fact that some of their costumes, such as kimono of Japan,cheongsam of china and Korea-style cothes, they are too long and big to work. In particular policemen and doctors,these careers are hard to be done if they are wearing such clothes.

In the second place, not wearing national costumes doesnot mean their citizens forgetting their history and traditions. Some countries’ history and traditions are still studied by young children. Take Japanese as an example, they always knee down when they are eating meals.

Finally, clothes should be kept abreast with step of social development. The style of clothes can mirror the custom in a period of time in a country. Dr. Wang who especialize in sociey asses*ent supported this view in a paper. And he said that people living in this fast-pace society should wear neat clothes which are conveninet when they are working.

To sum up, I completely disagree with wiew that people wear the national clothes everyday in the current society. In my opinion, with amount of colthes into our lives,our daily lives should be colorful and fashionable.

点评：

1. 原文开头模板痕迹比较明显，而且未能将背景信息交代清楚。应该按照课上所讲审题步骤理清文章的习作思路：即，BI(Background information)+WT(writing tasks)。因此，首段应该交代好背景信息和自己的观点（已交代）。

2. 原文中部分句子之间的Cohesion出现问题。如， “Some countries’ history and traditions are still studied by young children.” 是对上句的佐证，需加入对比联系词in fact/ on the contrary

3. 文章多次出现单词拼写错误，希望引起足够重视。

4. 文章最后可以在分析不必要性之后，提出消除人们担心的办法。

修改：

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