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雅思作文想拿高分,这四个错误一定不能犯 雅思作文秘诀:结尾必须大气漂亮

更新:2023年04月11日 19:57 雅思无忧

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核,综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力,实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说,也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文想拿高分,这四个错误一定不能犯 雅思作文秘诀:结尾必须大气漂亮,希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题,敬请关注。
雅思作文想拿高分,这四个错误一定不能犯 雅思作文秘诀:结尾必须大气漂亮

雅思作文想拿高分,这四个错误一定不能犯

大家现在所看到的这篇小作文选自C6T2,同其他考官范文不同,这篇文章出自考生之手。具体这篇考生的作文得了几分咱们先*个关子,假如你是雅思(课程)考官,按照写作评分的四大项标准, 你会给他打几分呢?

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.



In 2000 the most preferred mode of travel is by car with 4, 806 people. There's a noticeable decrease in public transportation locally where it dropped from 429 people in 1985 to 274 people in 2000. However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000. Which probably made people to take the take the train more often. There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. The biggest leap in the chart is the increase of taxi users who are tripled in 2000 with 42 people. Where it was only 13 in 1985

Apart from all this modes of travel, there are some more different types of travel as well of course. Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000.

我们先从客观地从考官的评分角度来评判下这篇文章。

首先从文章的内容上来看,考生确实从趋势角度描写了数据变化,但描写逻辑混乱。开端描述了car,local bus 及long distance bus。Car的数据自始至终都是最大的,先描写也毋庸置疑,但local bus 和long distance bus,变化数据设计不多,同时变化趋势也不相同,放在一起描述没有意义。其次,此文没有描述表格中的总量这一数据,这也是其失分的原因。

再来看下这篇文章数字后所带的单位,考生的作文中带的是people, 但仔细审题后我们会发现,这篇作文的真正单位实际是miles,通篇文章对单位的理解都是错误的。

接下来我们来看结构,通篇文章分成两段。考官习作中有分成三段、四段及五段的小作文的例子,但两段的绝对没有。同时,文章开篇直接就描述了最大数据, 缺少了开头段的引入,结尾段也并不是考官所期望看到的总结性信息。

不过从词汇角度来看, 文章代词及连词使用较好

a. However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people asits figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. Its指代long distance bus ride

b. It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. It指代the number of people who travelled by train.

c. This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. This 指代上一句话。

从语法角度来看, 文章细小问题较多。

a. 时态:数据变化时间为1985-2000,为一般过去,考生采用的为一般现在。

b. 主谓一致:However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. 主语复数,谓语动词单数,主谓不一致。

c. 名词单复数:There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. Number应为单数。

d. 被动语态:as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000. Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000. 这三个句子的动词应该全部改为主动语态。

这样的作文究竟可以得几分呢, 我们来看下考官评语,实际同我们刚刚分析时给出的关键点是一致的。

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6 score. Here is the examiner's comment:

This answer does not introduce the information in the table, nor does it report it accurately. The figures are misinterpreted as representing the number of people rather than the average number of miles travelled per person per year. Consequently the information about the increase in total travel is simply not mentioned, so not all key information is covered. There is an attempt to summarize trends in the figures, but the reader cannot get a clear overall picture of the information because of the fundamental confusion.

Nevertheless, the information is organized and the writing flows quite well because of good use of referencing and other connectors, but there are occasional errors in these and the links between ideas are slightly confusing at times.

The strong feature in this answer is the range of vocabulary which is used with some flexibility and good control. A good range of structures is also used, but there are still some fairly basic mistakes, such as in the choice of tense, subject/verb agreement and inappropriate use of the passive.

当然我们分析这篇考生习作的最终目的不是想告诉大家6分的作文错误百出,于思靓老师是希望同学们可以取长补短,像这篇作文考生所出现的基本问题,如时态、单位、语态等在你的作文中要避免出现,像考官特别看重的他的句子多样性的运用要多加学习。最后期待大家能拿到理想的分数。

雅思作文秘诀:结尾必须大气漂亮


国内的孩子拼了命地准备高考,然而,出国党也并不轻松,烤鸭是他们的必经之路。每一位烤鸭人都想打遍天下无敌手,都想知道考高分的秘诀,下面我们就重点来说说,雅思考试之中,我们需要注意的一些问题。

一个漂亮而又简洁的结尾对于高分大作文来说无疑是必须的,尽管最终评分的主要依据并不是由结尾段决定的,但是结尾段的出色完成对于一篇成功的学术类大作文是不可或缺的。在本章节中,老师将带领大家领略结尾的不同高端写法。

回顾全文+观点+展望:

这种结尾方式比较适合于双边结构的作文,在这种写法中,我们要注意的是结尾段由三个要素组成,其中第2个要素是必须的 ,但是句子的数量可以是3句也可以是2句甚至1个句子。首先我们来看一个例子:

I agree that we need to make sure that animals that are used for testing new products have the minimum of suffering. However, I am convinced that animal testing is necessary, and that it will continue to benefit humans in new and wonderful ways.

上面这个例句中,作者将自己的观点隐藏在了一个宾语从句之后,起到了一个欲扬先抑的效果。但是这种效果必须搭配一个展望未来才能起到渲染的效果。我们来对比另外一个例子:

In conclusion, physical punishment can be a useful method of discipline. However, it should be the last choice for parents. If we want to build a world with less violence we must begin at home, and we must teach our children to be responsible.

大家不难发现,2个句子都使用了相似的衔接方式,即首句委婉地回顾全文,将观点的对立面用"让步"的方式表达出来,同时也是对于主体段观点的回顾。然后再是用转折阐述自己的看法和观点。最后再用一个对于未来的期望来支撑自己的观点。这种顺序安排的优点在于对于文章的主体有很好的总结,但同时观点又是非常鲜明有力的,加上对于未来的润色,使得表达更流畅。用同样的方法,我们再来看第三个例句:

To sum up, although there are undoubtedly some problems with increased levels of education, I feel strongly that the country can only progress if all its people are educated to the maximum of their ability.

和前2个结尾不同,第三个结尾尽管也是先回顾了全文,但是它将作者的观点和对未来的期望写在了一个条件状语从句里。如此就给出了我们在构造"展望未来"时的一个思路,即搭配条件状语从句或者介宾短语跟在观点句之后。此种结尾发展方式同样适用于分析解决型大作文的结尾段布局,比如:

All in all, although the problem of drugs may seem impossible to eliminate, there are concrete steps that can be taken to weaken the hold of drugs on society. The danger from drugs is too great to ignore.

对于毒品对社会的危害,作者先是承认现状的无法改变,进而乐观地阐述了自己的观点即采取了切实有效的行动后可以减弱其危害。最后用毒品的危害性来对未来作展望。换句话说,在社会类分析解决型议论文中,我们在展望未来时可以考虑用强调其长远的影响作为突破口。又如:

In short, there are several things that the government can do to allow more people to finish school. However, a number of society attitudes also have to change if the country.

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