雅思作文想拿高分 戴着镣铐的舞蹈——浅谈雅思作文

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文想拿高分 戴着镣铐的舞蹈——浅谈雅思作文，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。

雅思作文想拿高分 这四个错误一定不能犯！

雅思写作向来是令大家头疼的问题，有时候觉得自己写得很不错，但是得分却很低，本文中，新东方在线于思靓老师将结合考生作文为大家详解雅思作文技巧。

大家现在所看到的这篇小作文选自C6T2，同其他考官范文不同， 这篇文章出自考生之手。具体这篇考生的作文得了几分咱们先*个关子，假如你是雅思考官，按照写作评分的四大项标准， 你会给他打几分呢？

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.


In 2000 the most preferred mode of travel is by car with 4, 806 people. There's a noticeable decrease in public transportation locally where it dropped from 429 people in 1985 to 274 people in 2000. However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000. Which probably made people to take the take the train more often. There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. The biggest leap in the chart is the increase of taxi users who are tripled in 2000 with 42 people. Where it was only 13 in 1985

Apart from all this modes of travel, there are some more different types of travel as well of course. Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000.

我们先从客观地从考官的评分角度来评判下这篇文章。

首先从文章的内容上来看，考生确实从趋势角度描写了数据变化，但描写逻辑混乱。开端描述了car，local bus 及 long distance bus。Car的数据自始至终都是最大的，先描写也毋庸置疑，但local bus 和 long distance bus，变化数据设计不多，同时变化趋势也不相同，放在一起描述没有意义。其次，此文没有描述表格中的总量这一数据，这也是其失分的原因。

再来看下这篇文章数字后所带的单位，考生的作文中带的是people， 但仔细审题后我们会发现，这篇作文的真正单位实际是miles，通篇文章对单位的理解都是错误的。

接下来我们来看结构，通篇文章分成两段。考官习作中有分成三段、四段及五段的小作文的例子，但两段的绝对没有。同时，文章开篇直接就描述了最大数据， 缺少了开头段的引入，结尾段也并不是考官所期望看到的总结性信息。

不过从词汇角度来看， 文章代词及连词使用较好。

a.However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years.Its指代long distance bus ride。

b.It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. It指代the number of people who travelled by train.

c.This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. This 指代上一句话。

从语法角度来看， 文章细小问题较多。

a.时态：数据变化时间为1985-2000，为一般过去，考生采用的为一般现在。

b.主谓一致：However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. 主语复数，谓语动词单数，主谓不一致。

c.名词单复数： There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. Number应为单数。

d.被动语态： as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years.People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000.Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000. 这三个句子的动词应该全部改为主动语态。

这样的作文究竟可以得几分呢， 我们来看下考官评语，实际同我们刚刚分析时给出的关键点是一致的。

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6 score. Here is the examiner's comment:

This answer does not introduce the information in the table, nor does it report it accurately. The figures are misinterpreted as representing the number of people rather than the average number of miles travelled per person per year. Consequently the information about the increase in total travel is simply not mentioned, so not all key information is covered. There is an attempt to summarize trends in the figures, but the reader cannot get a clear overall picture of the information because of the fundamental confusion.

Nevertheless, the information is organized and the writing flows quite well because of good use of referencing and other connectors, but there are occasional errors in these and the links between ideas are slightly confusing at times.

The strong feature in this answer is the range of vocabulary which is used with some flexibility and good control. A good range of structures is also used, but there are still some fairly basic mistakes, such as in the choice of tense, subject/verb agreement and inappropriate use of the passive.

当然我们分析这篇考生习作的最终目的不是想告诉大家6分的作文错误百出，于思靓老师是希望同学们可以取长补短，像这篇作文考生所出现的基本问题，如时态、单位、语态等在你的作文中要避免出现，像考官特别看重的他的句子多样性的运用要多加学习。最后期待大家能拿到理想的分数。

戴着镣铐的舞蹈——浅谈雅思作文

　　有人把翻译比作是带着镣铐在跳舞，镣铐是指原文的束缚，是说译者必须忍受原文的折磨，苦苦推敲，追求在原文基础上的美的最大化，未免把原文比喻得太不人道，而把翻译的过程说得也太过凄惨。可是为了把雅思写作说得苦点，我还准备借用这个比喻。

　　雅思作文的结构其实是外国小孩子初学写作就知道了的事，第一段写introduction, 下来是主体段落，所谓body paragraphs, 主体段落每一段的第一句话是topic sentence, 最后是conclusion。还有形形*的雅思写作模板，是根据不同的题型分类，在三段式的基础上的延伸。三段式十分老土，但也十分经典，非常清楚，便于下笔。好像装修房子，其实越简单的东西就越耐看；也好像找老婆，越是把脸蛋搞得复杂的，越是难以把握。雅思作文的写作模板，有些同学喜欢背诵，也是可以的，但一定要会变通。如果我们把雅思作文的结构和模板比作镣铐，其实也是合理的，因为作文如同做人，从来是没有百分之百的自由的。同样是三段式，有人写的文章不忍卒读，而罗素写的What I Have Lived for竟然成了名篇。可见文章向来是比文字和思想的，因为罗素写的文章的结构和小学生写的文章结构是没办法比出高下的。镣铐是戴了，下来就看你舞得如何了，有人要跳国标，有人要跳探戈，有人要Jazz，有人要贴面，这就是差异，文如其人嘛。比如我写作，是属于比较贾岛的那种，用词喜欢精雕细琢，老想让人看得心惊肉跳（而我蹦迪，只有一个动作，一只手在空中来回比划，像是指着一个仇人的鼻梁在骂，又像在告诉学生选择题的正确答案），或许这就是文风吧。但是基本上雅思作文是属于比较国标的，因为作为一种controlled writing（规定式作文），它测试的是利用语言生存的能力，像你能不能在吃了一顿后悔饭后写封信给那个该死的餐馆发发牢骚，或者能不能描述一下阅读过程中碰到的一个图表，或者能不能就北大才子在长安街头*肉这样的事发一通议论，所以它不是看你舞得多花骚，甩没甩头发，扭没扭*，老老实实搓三步搓四步才是正经。但是跳一种保险的舞蹈并不是说你的舞蹈就可以没有看点，要得高分，还得有些亮点，还要能听到一些掌声。同学们千万不要让僵硬的模板窒息了自己的创造性。2003年9月20日的大作文，是问你同意不同意妇女参军的Agree or Disagree题型。这类作文第一段第一句背景交待，下来是说一些人认为如何如何另一些人认为如何如何，然后我同意前者/后者，我认为如何如何，再来一个for the following reasons。这样的模板是两刃剑。我当时给同学们是这样写的：

　　The war on Iraq which broke out early this year witnessed the controversial roles woman soldiers played in a modern war. Yet, while some countries encourage women to wear military uniforms, others discourage this vulnerable sex from becoming armed monsters. To be frank, I am a traditional man who always associates women with feeding bottles, needles and cooking utensils while men with swords and gunpowder.

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