雅思作文想拿高分，这四个错误一定不能犯

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文想拿高分，这四个错误一定不能犯，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。

雅思作文想拿高分，这四个错误一定不能犯

大家现在所看到的这篇小作文选自C6T2，同其他考官范文不同，这篇文章出自考生之手。具体这篇考生的作文得了几分咱们先*个关子，假如你是雅思(课程)考官，按照写作评分的四大项标准， 你会给他打几分呢？

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.



In 2000 the most preferred mode of travel is by car with 4, 806 people. There's a noticeable decrease in public transportation locally where it dropped from 429 people in 1985 to 274 people in 2000. However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000. Which probably made people to take the take the train more often. There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. The biggest leap in the chart is the increase of taxi users who are tripled in 2000 with 42 people. Where it was only 13 in 1985

Apart from all this modes of travel, there are some more different types of travel as well of course. Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000.

我们先从客观地从考官的评分角度来评判下这篇文章。

首先从文章的内容上来看，考生确实从趋势角度描写了数据变化，但描写逻辑混乱。开端描述了car，local bus 及long distance bus。Car的数据自始至终都是最大的，先描写也毋庸置疑，但local bus 和long distance bus，变化数据设计不多，同时变化趋势也不相同，放在一起描述没有意义。其次，此文没有描述表格中的总量这一数据，这也是其失分的原因。

再来看下这篇文章数字后所带的单位，考生的作文中带的是people， 但仔细审题后我们会发现，这篇作文的真正单位实际是miles，通篇文章对单位的理解都是错误的。

接下来我们来看结构，通篇文章分成两段。考官习作中有分成三段、四段及五段的小作文的例子，但两段的绝对没有。同时，文章开篇直接就描述了最大数据， 缺少了开头段的引入，结尾段也并不是考官所期望看到的总结性信息。

不过从词汇角度来看， 文章代词及连词使用较好

a. However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people asits figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. Its指代long distance bus ride

b. It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. It指代the number of people who travelled by train.

c. This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. This 指代上一句话。

从语法角度来看， 文章细小问题较多。

a. 时态：数据变化时间为1985-2000，为一般过去，考生采用的为一般现在。

b. 主谓一致：However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. 主语复数，谓语动词单数，主谓不一致。

c. 名词单复数：There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. Number应为单数。

d. 被动语态：as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000. Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000. 这三个句子的动词应该全部改为主动语态。

这样的作文究竟可以得几分呢， 我们来看下考官评语，实际同我们刚刚分析时给出的关键点是一致的。

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6 score. Here is the examiner's comment:

This answer does not introduce the information in the table, nor does it report it accurately. The figures are misinterpreted as representing the number of people rather than the average number of miles travelled per person per year. Consequently the information about the increase in total travel is simply not mentioned, so not all key information is covered. There is an attempt to summarize trends in the figures, but the reader cannot get a clear overall picture of the information because of the fundamental confusion.

Nevertheless, the information is organized and the writing flows quite well because of good use of referencing and other connectors, but there are occasional errors in these and the links between ideas are slightly confusing at times.

The strong feature in this answer is the range of vocabulary which is used with some flexibility and good control. A good range of structures is also used, but there are still some fairly basic mistakes, such as in the choice of tense, subject/verb agreement and inappropriate use of the passive.

当然我们分析这篇考生习作的最终目的不是想告诉大家6分的作文错误百出，于思靓老师是希望同学们可以取长补短，像这篇作文考生所出现的基本问题，如时态、单位、语态等在你的作文中要避免出现，像考官特别看重的他的句子多样性的运用要多加学习。最后期待大家能拿到理想的分数。

雅思作文怎么写才能拿高分？

写作不同于口语，应当尽量符合书面语的正式性。随着雅思考生的趋于低龄化(2008年多于半数的考生介于19-22岁之间)，很多考生因为学识或者社会阅历等各方面的原因不是很熟悉书面表达的正式风格，这也是造成写作分数偏低的一个主要原因，尤其是造成其它三项高分而写作“偏科”的原因之一。 　　但这并不意味着写作高分的遥不可及，高分作文是改出来的，所以，雅思中国网雅思专家分析，要掌握好从哪几个方面入手把成型于脑中或者已经付诸于纸上的构思改成阅卷人青睐的表达法即可。下面就是具体的几个客观表达的方面： 　　一 避免太多的人化主语 　　口语中我们很习惯用“某个人做某件事”来构成基本句式，以至于议论文中有的考生依然写的是这样的句子： 　　More and more young students go abroad because they want to get better education and find a better job in the future. I think that they may have problems in study and also in life. 　　上例中第一句的主句和状语从句中都是以某个人开始的，第二句中主句和宾语从句也是以人做主语。虽然说这两个句子的WPS(每句中的词汇数)都超过10个，应该说不能算是写的特别初级的简单句，如果句法和词汇没有问题还是很有希望达到6分的。但如果全篇都是这样的句式，整个文章就显得幼稚，类似于记叙文写作，绝对突破不了7分。 　　其实改法很简单：我们只要避免从“某个人”开始句子就可以了，也就是说用比较客观的就事论事的态度。如：避免“学生出国”，只写“出国”;避免“他们想要…”，只写“想要…”。这样，上面的句子就可以写成：go abroad to get better education and find a better job in the future,不但很客观，而且把原来的主句和从句两部分精简处理成了一个动词短语。既可以做谓语动词加上原来的一个主语构成句子，也可以用不定式、动名词和分词处理为非谓语动词做主语、宾语或者状语，还可以以从句的形式处理。至于原来第一句中的主语young students可以用介词短语的形式插入不定式或者动名词短语中，而下面的句子里的评价部分的内容提上来做主句的谓语，组成一个新的句式。 　　另外，第二例句中的“have”，一般情况下主语都是某个人，而在写作中多为“there be”句型所代替，更加客观。所以上面的两个例句就可以合并成一句： 　　There may be problems in study and also in life for young students to go abroad in order to get better education and find a better job in the future. 　　这样合并不但客观而且精炼，每个单位句子所表达的内容自然就扩大，词汇密度也相应地增多，自然容易得高分，如果加上个别单词或短语的替换，就可以达到7分。但切记不可机械照搬范文中的长句，从雅思中国网的学员反馈情况看判为模板的文章最低分数降至4.5. 　　更进一步说，“have”和“there be”句型都可以简化成更简单的介词“with”结构，如以下所示： 　　On the table is a box. There is a cover beside it. 　　这两个小句子是小作文的流程图中经常要用到的具体描写事物的句型，凡是描写具有某种属性或者带有某种外部特征都可以用”with”结构表达，所以上述两句可以合并成：On the table is a box with a cover beside it. 　　除了一般的“某个人做某件事情”和“…have…”句型，常见的人化主语的句型还有很受考生偏爱的几个情态动词，如can, may, should等。一般建议前两个改成It is likely /possible to do/ that….;后一个改成It is necessary/ imperative/ highly expected/ suggested that sth. be done.的句式，请看下面的例示： 　　We can go anywhere we like with our bicycle. → 　　It is possible for us to go anywhere we like with our bicycle. 　　To curb global warming, our government should promulgate new laws to govern the felling of trees.→ 　　To curb global warming, it is imperative that our government promulgate new laws to govern the felling of trees. 　　归纳起来说，议论文中我们要积极避免“某个人”做主语，尽量用不定式、动名词或者一个从句做主语，谓语动词用评价性的动词充当，这样就可以由记叙文性质的“过程性句式”顺利转化成更符合议论文文风的客观评价性的句式。 　　二 被动句式的使用 　　在比较正式的新闻、商务、法律等英语(论坛)文体中，被动句式因为其更突出客观性的宾语或者事实被广为使用。雅思的图表分析和议论文都是比较正式的文体，所以我们也应该注意多用被动句式。尤其是在以下两个方面： 　　1.主语不确定 　　Someone murdered the millionaire last night.→ 　　The millionaire was murdered last night. 　　2. 主语是泛指很多人或者大部分人 　　To improve the air quality, we should reduce the use of private cars. → 　　To improve the air quality, the use of private cars should be reduced. 　　Most people think that we can get a large share of benefit in the sales campaign.→ 　　It is widely believed that we can get a large share of benefit in the sales campaign. 　　被动句的用法不仅体现在主句中，在从句、非谓语动词短语中都有可能用到，如： 　　It is important for nations all over the world to join hands to control the software piracy. → 　　It is important for nations all over the world to join hands to have the software piracy controlled. 　　I don’t expect that she returned. → She is not expected to have returned. 　　I am not sure whether the college graduates will find jobs in the financially difficult year. → 　　I am not sure whether the college graduates will get employed in the financially difficult year. 　　但是因为汉语中本来是没有被动句式的，所以受汉化思维的影响很多考生不会想到这一点。这就要求我们对此要引起足够的重视，并且在平时多加练习以培养对其敏感度。 　　三 名词化 　　写作中把原本用动词或者形容词表达的地方换成名词叫做名词化(nominalization)。名词化是为了避免太多动词造成的句法处理上的困难，同时也可以把某些陈述型的句式转化成更客观的评价句，更符合议论文的文体要求。如： 　　Our monitor didn’t come today. He has got a flu. 　　很明显这两个小句可以用因果关系的信号词连成一句：Because our monitor has a flu, he didn’t come today.，但这个because引导的原因状语从句以及其它的状语从句是考生们很常用的复合句，虽然看似比较复杂，其实仍然是某个人做主语。如果非谓语动词掌握得好，可能我们会想到用Having a flu, our monitor didn’t come today.如果我们把前后两部分分别用一个概括性的名词来替代，中间加上我们熟悉的表示因果关系的动词，这个句子就非常符合议论文的风格：The flu caused the absence of our monitor today.或者The absence of our monitor is because of his illness.至少我们可以尽量将其中的一个小句变成名词，减少某个人做主语的口语化句式的出现频率。 　　虽然这种表达方法更为客观，句式上更加简洁，但是用比较抽象的概括性词汇来写句子对于越来越趋于低龄化的考生来说的确是个挑战。但是有一些单词是我们在写作中几乎必须要用到的，平时要备好以下几个常见的名词化：lack of(if there is no…), ignorance of (don’t know …), illiteracy in(can’t read…/ can’t use…), failure (didn’t do…)等。而且在具体的使用过程中可以结合介词with使用，使得句法更加凝练。此外个别单词也可以利用题目中的动词的名词性后缀如： -tion，-ment, -isation, -ness, -ity等或者变成动名词形式-ing。如： 　　More younger generations celebrate the western festivals→the celebration of the western festivals by more younger generations 　　四 个别表达 　　如more and more/ a lot等口语化的短语尽量避免，可以用increasing(ly)， a large number of…/a great deal of…./swarms of…等代替。此外缩略形式也是正式的写作中要避免的。

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