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雅思作文修改:传统文化在流失 雅思作文确定框架寻找分支观点练习20题

更新:2023年04月24日 10:42 雅思无忧

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雅思作文修改:传统文化在流失 雅思作文确定框架寻找分支观点练习20题

雅思作文修改:传统文化在流失


  对于雅思写作而言,写完了修改的过程才是雅思写作中重要的过程,为此小编特收集整理关于传统文化在流失的雅思作文修改,分享给大家,希望对大家有所帮助,文中观点仅供参考。
  题目:As the development of modern science and technologh,some aspects of traditional culture are being lost, so some people think that the traditional culture and technologh will be replaced by the modern science and technology such as computer or internet, what is your opinion?
  原文:
  It has been widely noted that some aspects of tradional cuture are being lost along with the development of modern science. As far as I concerned, the traditional culture and technologh will be replaced by the modern one for several reasons as follows,
  My first reason is that the traditional culture is hindering the development of new science which can improve people's life. Traditional technology always combines with low efficiency. Suppose if the scientists are still using cars to go abroad and attand meetings, the cloning technique will be found many years later, and consequently, a lot of patient have died.
  My second reason is based on the high fees used to protect the traditional culture. Government provide a huge amount of money to rebuild or decorate the old buildings just because they were built by our ancestors, never thinking of their uselessness for accomodation. If the money used to protect these buildings is delivered to the poor, a lot of them will solve the accomodation problem.
  My third reason is that people prefer the modern science and technology with the increasingly improved education system. Twenty-first century has seen a great deal of development in the proportion of people who have taken the high education. They are more willing to use the modern science. For instance, college student always collect their thesis materials by surfing the Internet instead of borrowing books from the libraries.
  All in all, although traditional culture is a heritage from the ancient, it couldn't keep pace with the development of society. The traditional culture and technology have no place in the future and will be eliminated in the end.
  I want to ask what aspects I should improve if I want to get 6.5 in writing?
  修改:
  It is widely noted that some aspects of traditional culture
  has been lost along with the development of modern science. As far as I concerned, the traditional culture and technology will be replaced in this modern erafor several reasons.
  My first reason is that the traditional culture is hindering the development of new science which can improve people's life. Traditional technologies are always considered to be low efficiency. Suppose if the scientists are still using cars to go abroad and attand meetings, the cloning technique will be found many years later, and consequently, a lot of patient have died.
  (this doesn’t make any sense, going abroad by car is nonsense, and it has no relationship to cloning technique, patient’s death is not necessarily as of the result from the delay of commuter.) Recommendation: revise and think of a more persuasive reasoning and logics.
  My second reason is based on the high cost used to protect the traditional culture. Government provides a huge amount of money to rebuild or decorate the old buildings just because they were built by our ancestors; they seldom
  considered their usefulness for accommodation. If the money used to protect these buildings was instead delivered to the poor, a lot of them will solve the accommodation problem.
  My third reason is that people prefer modern science and technology with the increasingly improved education system. Twenty-first centuries has been seenhigh the proportion of people who have taken the higher education. They are more willing to use the modern science. For instance, college student always collect their thesis materials by surfing the Internet instead of borrowing books from the libraries.
  All in all, although traditional culture is a heritage from the ancient, it couldn't keep pace with the development of society. The traditional culture and technology have no place in the future and will be eliminated in the end.
  以上就是传统文化在流失的雅思作文修改的全部介绍,希望对大家有所帮助,最后祝大家都能考出好成绩。

雅思作文确定框架寻找分支观点练习20题

雅思作文确定框架寻找分支观点练习20题(答案)

审题练习 针对所给的雅思作文题目以及框架,选择适当的分支观点在其后用“√”标出

例 Some people think that universities should provide knowledge and skills related to future career. Others think the true function of the university is to give access to knowledge for its own sake. What is your opinion? (一边倒+让步式,认为大学应该教授学生与未来就业相关的知识和技能,但是也有其他责任。)

一边倒A+ 认为大学应该教授学生与未来就业相关的知识和技能
A+1: 大学的责任就是教给学生知识和技能
A+2: 大学的职能之一,就是教给学生足以用来谋生的知识和技能 √
A+3:毕业生就业率的高低,现在已经成为大学排名和学生择校时考虑的一个重要指标,事关大学生存和发展。 √
A+4: 学生选择上大学,绝大多数是存在着这样的假设:起码要大学毕业,才好找工作 √
A+5:大学不能固步自封,应该与时俱进,研究实际学问,讲授实际知识和技能,大学培养的,绝不是书呆子,而是能够解决实际问题的实用人才 √
A+6:大学讲授跟学生未来工作紧密联系的知识和技能,学生们才能在未来赚回他们的教育投资
A+7:大学的确要教给学生跟他们未来工作相关的知识和技能,这简直不用讨论

一边倒里套用倒打一耙 B-
B-1: 大学讲授的东西与实际需要脱节,无法吸引学生兴趣,学生缺乏学习动力 √
B-2:大学如果不给学生传授跟他们未来工作紧密联系的知识和技能,家长会感到失望

让步 B+ 承认大学也有其他责任、职能
B+1:从广义上来讲,知识和技能,总能够直接或者间接跟未来的工作关联起来,所以这个题目从某种意义上讲是不用讨论的√
B+2:大学不是职业技术学校,培养的不但是具有工作能力的人,而且应该是有理想、上进、爱国的合格的公民√
B+3:大学教授理论、基础,培养学生思维和学习能力,是一项重要的任务,学生可以在以后的工作中根据实际需要自学或自修,毕竟学习是没有止境的,贯穿一生,大学不可能教学生一辈子,但是大学学到的东西可以让学生收益一辈子√
B+4:大学开设的科目、课程,包括跟工作不直接相关的历史、文学艺术、思想品德、政策法规等,都是前人智慧的结晶或者成为一个有涵养的人所必需的知识√
B+5:大学想教什么就教什么,别人无权指指点点。

分析:
一边倒A+ 认为大学应该教授学生与未来就业相关的知识和技能

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