雅思作文修改：传统文化在流失 新东方名师：Be和Have在雅思作文中的妙用

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文修改：传统文化在流失 新东方名师：Be和Have在雅思作文中的妙用，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。

雅思作文修改：传统文化在流失

　　对于雅思写作而言，写完了修改的过程才是雅思写作中重要的过程，为此小编特收集整理关于传统文化在流失的雅思作文修改，分享给大家，希望对大家有所帮助，文中观点仅供参考。
　　题目：As the development of modern science and technologh,some aspects of traditional culture are being lost, so some people think that the traditional culture and technologh will be replaced by the modern science and technology such as computer or internet, what is your opinion?
　　原文：
　　It has been widely noted that some aspects of tradional cuture are being lost along with the development of modern science. As far as I concerned, the traditional culture and technologh will be replaced by the modern one for several reasons as follows,
　　My first reason is that the traditional culture is hindering the development of new science which can improve people's life. Traditional technology always combines with low efficiency. Suppose if the scientists are still using cars to go abroad and attand meetings, the cloning technique will be found many years later, and consequently, a lot of patient have died.
　　My second reason is based on the high fees used to protect the traditional culture. Government provide a huge amount of money to rebuild or decorate the old buildings just because they were built by our ancestors, never thinking of their uselessness for accomodation. If the money used to protect these buildings is delivered to the poor, a lot of them will solve the accomodation problem.
　　My third reason is that people prefer the modern science and technology with the increasingly improved education system. Twenty-first century has seen a great deal of development in the proportion of people who have taken the high education. They are more willing to use the modern science. For instance, college student always collect their thesis materials by surfing the Internet instead of borrowing books from the libraries.
　　All in all, although traditional culture is a heritage from the ancient, it couldn't keep pace with the development of society. The traditional culture and technology have no place in the future and will be eliminated in the end.
　　I want to ask what aspects I should improve if I want to get 6.5 in writing?
　　修改：
　　It is widely noted that some aspects of traditional culture
　　has been lost along with the development of modern science. As far as I concerned, the traditional culture and technology will be replaced in this modern erafor several reasons.
　　My first reason is that the traditional culture is hindering the development of new science which can improve people's life. Traditional technologies are always considered to be low efficiency. Suppose if the scientists are still using cars to go abroad and attand meetings, the cloning technique will be found many years later, and consequently, a lot of patient have died.
　　(this doesn’t make any sense, going abroad by car is nonsense, and it has no relationship to cloning technique, patient’s death is not necessarily as of the result from the delay of commuter.) Recommendation: revise and think of a more persuasive reasoning and logics.
　　My second reason is based on the high cost used to protect the traditional culture. Government provides a huge amount of money to rebuild or decorate the old buildings just because they were built by our ancestors; they seldom
　　considered their usefulness for accommodation. If the money used to protect these buildings was instead delivered to the poor, a lot of them will solve the accommodation problem.
　　My third reason is that people prefer modern science and technology with the increasingly improved education system. Twenty-first centuries has been seenhigh the proportion of people who have taken the higher education. They are more willing to use the modern science. For instance, college student always collect their thesis materials by surfing the Internet instead of borrowing books from the libraries.
　　All in all, although traditional culture is a heritage from the ancient, it couldn't keep pace with the development of society. The traditional culture and technology have no place in the future and will be eliminated in the end.
　　以上就是传统文化在流失的雅思作文修改的全部介绍，希望对大家有所帮助，最后祝大家都能考出好成绩。

新东方名师：Be和Have在雅思作文中的妙用

“Be”动词和“have/has” 在雅思小作文中的七十二变 　　很多学生写小作文的时候喜欢带着些大作文的痕迹，比如be动词，还有have, has 经常出现。然而在小作文中，除了要客观描述，重点比较之外，还有一个经常被考生忽略的关键要求：使用图表描述语言。那么这个图表专用语言的玄机不仅仅在于上升下降和搭配幅度的必备词汇，更重要的体现在动词的灵活运用上。 　　下面我们以剑7 Test 4 的四线图为例，简单看一下对“Road”那条线的描述，很多学生会写成什么样： 　　Road was always the highest over the 28-year period, and it had a dramatic increase to almost 100 million tonnes in 2002. 　　关于这道题，大多数学生最爱犯的错误就是主语的混淆。其实增长下降的并不是这些交通工具，而是由这些交通工具分别运输的货物的数量的增减。所以其实这句话的所有主语都错了。这跟剑7 Test2 的例题一样，主语并不是chicken 或者beef，而是the consumption of chicken and beef. 下面我们再拆开来分析： 　　前半句话中Road 后面的was 其实想表达“保持”的意思，那么小作文中保持最高完全可以用kept或者是remained这个词，而不是用was这么生硬的论述。那么改成kept之后，后面的largest也可以相应换成一个生动的“most popular”, 即保持最受欢迎的交通方式，这样无论英文还是中文翻译都显得立体起来。 　　而后半句中的had 其实是不符合图形描述的基本句型的。从来没有一个句式是“主语+has/had+变化”。这里的had可以换成更地道的showed或者是witnessed. 所以这句话就可以改成：Road always kept the most popular transport among all the patterns, and it showed a dramatic increase to almost 100 million tonnes in 2002. 　　然而在饼状图中，be动词或者has/had被滥用的几率就更高了。饼状图里首要掌握的就是表示“占有”的单词，然而很多学生在写作文的时候还是下意识地“抛弃”了这些词，反而舍近求远地去选用“俗不可耐”的be动词。就拿剑8 Test1中的混合图表为例，其中的饼状图很简单，就由四个扇面组成，那我们看一下学生一般会写成什么样子： 　　Over-grazing destroys the largest proportion of land, which is 35%. And the world has 30% and 28% land being degraded by deforestation and over-cultivation. Other reasons only take 7% of the pie chart. 　　首先我们看第一句话，这句话中的前半句没有问题，只是后面的which is 就有些非主流了。这里我们可以用一个表示“占有”的词作非谓语动词，比如把后半句改成occupying 35% of the worldwide degradation. 　　在看第二句话，the world has 中的has 用得也不够地道。这里可以改成there be句型就会更顺畅：There were 30% and 28% of the global farming land being degraded by deforestation and over-cultivation respectively. 　　最后一句话，不能说完全就错了，句式是没有问题的，但是在主体段中用pie chart 做主体描述对象显然是不够理智的，除了首段用到“该pie chart显示了….”的句型外，其实在后面的文章当中，主语名词都应该用题意给出的描述对象而不是pie chart。比如这句话可以改成： Other reasons only constitute 7% of the total degraded land.

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