雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点 虎头更要凤尾

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点 虎头更要凤尾，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。

雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点

In many countries, the number of elderly people is increasing fast. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays, owning to the improvement of living condition(这里习惯用复数), people can live much longer than before, which gives rise to the fast increasing number of elderly people. Some hold that this situation will result in a series of problems, such as social burden, population expansion and so on. While others insist that it agrees the development of modern society and brings many advantages. For my part, I take the latter side with(用for) the following reasons: (74words)

点评：开头稍微写的有点长，不过内容写的还不错。属于通过分析两种不同观点，最后阐述自己观点的写法。(此种写法在雅思大作文的第一段比较常见)

美中不足的是倒数第二句的错误比较明显!while是个连词，应该连接句子与句子，所以这里前面不应该是句号。后面agree是不及物动词，不能直接加宾语。

Firstly, elder people(一会儿elderly people,一会儿又elder people，这不是自相矛盾么!!!) are the fortune of our society. They have enough experiences and capabilities which are badly lacked and needed for our youth when dealing with all sorts of problems, they can still do well in their jobs. Especially(前面应该用逗号，然后这里小写) in some professions, such as teacher, doctor, scientist and so on, sometimes (前面应该用句号，然后这里大写)age means the authority and ability. When you see a doctor, do you prefer an elderly doctor with grey hair or a youth without mustache? (77words)

Secondly, elder people(同上) are the happiness of our society. Increasing number of elderly people is also the embodiment of our improving living quality, which shows our society run(应该第三人称单数)to the right and healthy direction, we(前面句号，这里大写) have more chance and time to serve our elderly people, and it’s the happiest time of all our life to accompany with(accompany是及物动词) our parents, grandparents and great grandparents. (63words)

Finally, elderly people are the lubricant of our society. They have good temper and enough patients(应该是patience吧) to do anything, they can help us to intercede(它是不及物动词，而且主要用人作宾语) social disputes, and they make our society much more harmonious which(前面最好有个逗号)makes for the construction of harmonious society.(43words)

正文段综合点评：此篇是典型的5段式作文的写作，正文段构思出三个分论点来证明自己的观点，的确在构思上花了不少心思。但是，这里我想提的是，还是两方面都分析一下会比较好一点。特别这篇文章是问优点多还是缺点多，那么最好是缺点讲一个，然后优点再讲两个。外国人喜欢这样的辩证分析。

其次，总的来说，作者的语言还是挺流畅的。但是似乎标点有问题，该用句号的时候用逗号，改用逗号的时候用句号，这个也要扣分的!

From mentioned above, the advantages of increasing number of elderly people are obvious more than it disadvantages(典型的Chinese English.应该说there are obviously more advantages than disadvantages.). Elderly people are not the burden of our society but the source of fortune, happiness and harmony of our society.(37words)

全文总评：

尽管总的来说语言水平还是很不错的，内容也写得很充实，但缺点是语言方面还是不够细腻。此文7分。

虎头更要凤尾 雅思作文结尾必须漂亮大气

国内的孩子拼了命地准备高考，然而，出国党也并不轻松，烤鸭是他们的必经之路。每一位烤鸭人都想打遍天下无敌手，都想知道考高分的秘诀，下面我们就重点来说说，雅思考试之中，我们需要注意的一些问题。

一个漂亮而又简洁的结尾对于高分大作文来说无疑是必须的，尽管最终评分的主要依据并不是由结尾段决定的，但是结尾段的出色完成对于一篇成功的学术类大作文是不可或缺的。在本章节中，老师将带领大家领略结尾的不同高端写法。

回顾全文+观点+展望：

这种结尾方式比较适合于双边结构的作文，在这种写法中，我们要注意的是结尾段由三个要素组成，其中第2个要素是必须的 ，但是句子的数量可以是3句也可以是2句甚至1个句子。首先我们来看一个例子：

I agree that we need to make sure that animals that are used for testing new products have the minimum of suffering. However, I am convinced that animal testing is necessary, and that it will continue to benefit humans in new and wonderful ways.

上面这个例句中，作者将自己的观点隐藏在了一个宾语从句之后，起到了一个欲扬先抑的效果。但是这种效果必须搭配一个展望未来才能起到渲染的效果。我们来对比另外一个例子：

In conclusion, physical punishment can be a useful method of discipline. However, it should be the last choice for parents. If we want to build a world with less violence we must begin at home, and we must teach our children to be responsible.

大家不难发现，2个句子都使用了相似的衔接方式，即首句委婉地回顾全文，将观点的对立面用"让步"的方式表达出来，同时也是对于主体段观点的回顾。然后再是用转折阐述自己的看法和观点。最后再用一个对于未来的期望来支撑自己的观点。这种顺序安排的优点在于对于文章的主体有很好的总结，但同时观点又是非常鲜明有力的，加上对于未来的润色，使得表达更流畅。用同样的方法，我们再来看第三个例句：

To sum up, although there are undoubtedly some problems with increased levels of education, I feel strongly that the country can only progress if all its people are educated to the maximum of their ability.

和前2个结尾不同，第三个结尾尽管也是先回顾了全文，但是它将作者的观点和对未来的期望写在了一个条件状语从句里。如此就给出了我们在构造"展望未来"时的一个思路，即搭配条件状语从句或者介宾短语跟在观点句之后。此种结尾发展方式同样适用于分析解决型大作文的结尾段布局，比如：

All in all, although the problem of drugs may seem impossible to eliminate, there are concrete steps that can be taken to weaken the hold of drugs on society. The danger from drugs is too great to ignore.

对于毒品对社会的危害，作者先是承认现状的无法改变，进而乐观地阐述了自己的观点即采取了切实有效的行动后可以减弱其危害。最后用毒品的危害性来对未来作展望。换句话说，在社会类分析解决型议论文中，我们在展望未来时可以考虑用强调其长远的影响作为突破口。又如：

In short, there are several things that the government can do to allow more people to finish school. However, a number of society attitudes also have to change if the country.

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