【雅思作文批改】跑题还能拿5分，TA是怎么做到的？

【雅思作文批改】跑题还能拿5分，TA是怎么做到的？很多朋友对这方面很关心，雅思无忧整理了相关文章，供大家参考，一起来看一下吧！

本文目录一览：

• 1、【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法
• 2、【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼
• 3、【雅思作文批改】跑题还能拿5分，TA是怎么做到的？

【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法

【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法
1、*应该对铁路比公路花钱？ 这位同学整体架构比较完整，但是口语化比较严重，语法错误比较多，基础不够扎实，需多多练习。最终得分4.5-5分，还有很大的进步空间。
作文题目:大作文：剑11Test1大作文
Governments should spend
money on railways rather than roads.To what extent do you agree or disagree
with this statement?
作文内容：
Traffic problem has
disturbed government for a long term,as a lot of measure [b1] have been taken to solve
that, [b2] there are still some
problems remained,m[b3] any people say that
government should spend more money on rail rather than road,but i can not[b4]
totally agree with this
opinion.
Railway, comparing [b5] with road,has larger
capacity to load
[b6] goods or people,and it
is also a good choice for long-distance travel.One of the advantages of rail
is that you will never meet a traffic light or jam on your way to the destiny[b7] .Government have invest [b8] a lot to make it more safe[b9]
and convenient[b10] ,but sometimes it [b11] still makes trouble for people when it is at[b12]
peak time;[b13] such as Spring Festival in China,there are even not enough tickets
for those passengers who want to go home and [b14] they have to stay in the waiting room for a long time.So more
basic facilities or more trains are needed to serve such a large number of
people and increase the degree of comfort in passenger s [b15] journey.
On the contrast,road ,as
another way that frequently used,is more flexible than railway,b[b16] ut things changed when traffic condition is poor,ad [b17] people nowadays spend a lot of time on traffic jam due to the
increasing number of private cars,especially in those major cities.In order
to figure this problem,government should invest to build more roads like [b18] overhead-roads to release the traffic stress ,so that the air quality[b19]
in cities will improve a lot ,too.[b20]
Overall,fund [b21] are needed in both of areas,but it is not wise to say that more
money should be used in rail or road,it must according [b22] to the circumstance.
[b1]measures
[b2]but
[b3]注意断句，Many
[b4]写作中是cannot
[b5]compared
[b6]transfer
[b7]destination
[b8]has invested
[b9]safer
[b10]more convenient
[b11]指谁？
[b12]改成during
[b13]符号不对
[b14]又是连接谁？
[b15]passengers
[b16]另起一句，大写
[b17]？
[b18]这是口语用词
[b19]和空气质量有关这个逻辑在哪里？
[b20]口语
[b21]funds
[b22]情态动词后用原形
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点指出问题：
改这篇文章感觉像是改口语段子，因为口语化的说法很多，最大的问题是简单语法错误和复杂语法中句子的断句。句子可以写长，但长句也遵循语法规则，需要连词或者合适的代词。需要系统学习语法。
临考前建议整理一下论点思路，考场发挥尽量不要出大的语法错误就可以了。
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【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼

【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼
1、危险的运动应该被取消 ，这样的话题出现的还是比较普遍的，相对来说也比较好写，但也因为范围太广不好找切入点，这位同学写得还不错，看看他是怎样展开思路的？
作文题目：
Some people think that
dangerous sports should be banned,but others think the people should have
freedom to choose sports activities.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
作文内容：
Extreme sports are becoming
increasingly popular due to the fact that individuals nowadays are awash with
repeated daily work and want to find something exciting to do.Although a
group of people believe that the dangerous sports should be banned,I firmly
hold the opinion that people have their rights and freedom to choose sports
activities.
There is no doubt that extreme
sports may be life-threatening.Even if the security facilities have been
improved significantly compared to the past,accidents do exist.For
instance,every year there are some people getting injured or even losing
their lives in bungee jumping as a result of the loose cords or jumping from
a inappropriate place.From this perspective,it seems that in order to protect
human beings from danger,dangerous sports should be restricted.
However,doing dangerous sports is
an effective way to alleviate stress and make people cherish their
lives.Nowadays,owing to the fast flow of information,individuals live a
fast-paced life.When they finish certain works,now ones quickly flock to them
which could breed high pressure.In this circumstance,extreme sports such as
skydiving can help them get rid of the troublesome work[A1]
as they need to totally focus on
the dangerous sports,which means,they have little time to think about their
work.Moreover,people may cherish their lives more via experiencing the
frightening feelings of death.
To conclude,although extreme
sports like bungee jumping and skydiving may be life-threatening,the
probability is quite *all.Also,the
dangerous activities are beneficial because they could alleviate stress and
make people cherish their lives.[A2] Therefore,they should be continued
and the authorities have the duty to make the security facilities more
reliable.
[A1]摆脱的不是工作，而是工作带来的压力，这里需要修改；
[A2]和上面的重复过多，缓解压力变相表达就是心情变得更加愉悦，可以从这个角度来改变表达方式，后者及意识的生命的宝贵，不可直接把上面的句子拿下来
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：
结尾段的语句不够精炼，这点给整篇文章拉分。希望今后不要出现结尾段直接和上面表达雷同的情况，并且表达方式可以更加灵活
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雅思热文

【雅思作文批改】跑题还能拿5分，TA是怎么做到的？

写雅思作文的时候一定不要出现跳跃式的思维，就算是自认为再明白不过的道理，也要一步一步解释清楚。
【雅思作文批改】跑题还能拿5分，TA是怎么做到的？
1、今天给大家看看这位同学的雅思作文，总体得分5分，句式比较灵活，这是最大的得分点，不过有跑题，所以提醒大家写的时候一定要看清楚题目，否则写得再好也会得不偿失。
作文题目:
Housing shortages in big
cities can have severe consequences. only government action can solve the
problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
作文内容：
We can hear people complaining
about the price of housing in big cities all over the world. It seems that
real estate markets go mad and consumers have no way in this matter. As
housing is a basic need, governments must get involved to curb the high price
of housing and make sure the markets fair.
It is not difficult to
understand that housing price going up
without any control would cause a property-value bubble. When the bubble
bursts and the prices fall violently, many people fall into the situation of
financial crisis; social crisis is not far from then. Hence, the government
hasve to
control the housing price to prevent such thing from happening.
Also considering
that there are many some
people with low incomes in any city，i. It is
too hard for them to buy expensive real estate when their salaries are not
high. Of course, governments should be responsible for citizens basic
housing requirements and set reasonable limits on prices.
If governments do not act, the consequences could be severe. If the price continues increasing, the poor are forced to leave
big cities ，and leaving[A1] e the rich live there lonely;[A2]
it can not be imagined. All people deserve affordable
housing.
Housing is a basic human
right, like food and water, but if the government is absent, it will be a
privilege only for the rich. As a result, governments should step in and
place reasonable controls on the real estate market.
【A1】如果不变成非谓语形式，则此句缺主语，改后就变成结果状语
【A2】分号前后大致含义是一致的，此处it can not be imagined可以直接提前合并成一个句子，此处太啰嗦
总体评价：
针对问题最大的一点指出问题：
审题。注意题中的是是否只有*能解决，而本文说的是*该参与解决，这完全是两个立意。建议可以捎带其他的解决方案，然后否定他们，自圆其说。
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