求写篇雅思作文What is your opinion about a success of a team:does i？ 【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语

今天雅思无忧小编整理了求写篇雅思作文What is your opinion about a success of a team:does i？ 【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼相关信息，希望在这方面能够更好帮助到大家。

本文目录一览：

• 1、求写篇雅思作文What is your opinion about a success of a team:does i？
• 2、【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼
• 3、雅思作文 介绍你最仰慕的人 范文

求写篇雅思作文What is your opinion about a success of a team:does i？

Topic: What is your opinion about a success of a team: does it depend on mental attitude of the whole team or on the strongest individuals?
petition in today’s modern society can be seen from various fields. For achieving success, some tasks require us to go forward in team work style. Hence, there is a considerable debate about the significance of mental attitude of the whole team and the strongest individuals. Some people insist that mental attitude should be emphasized more in a team while others prefer the second element - the strongest individuals. However, according to my experience, the most efficient option is the bination of mental attitude and the strongest individuals for a successful team, and I will exemplify my opinion by the following arguments.
A positive mental attitude will provide a great spiritual power for team work, and it will establish a good working atmosphere. So every team mate will be able to feel the support and contribution from others, because it is the basic element for organizing a good team. However, a team’s success also needs the talent from some individuals, because the strongest individuals will play a role of key man in the most crucial moment, and then lead to the success. By looking back those historical sport events, such as the World Cup soccer game, it can be easily seen that the championship always goes to the teams, which possess more unity and are more eager to win the title. Again, people still can find many examples for the genius individuals by checking the sport games. One of them is the legendary basketball player Michael Jordan, who portrayed repeatedly the savior in the NBA final match, scored in the last second and helped his team to win the champion.
Therefore, to sum up, a successful team work emphasizes that all team mates are suppose to maximize their positive attitude, and find some individual’s talent. Finally, they will be able to maximize the progress in the whole working period and then to finish the task as perfect as possible.,9,求写篇雅思作文
What is your opinion about a success of a team:does it depend on mental attitude of the whole team or on the strongest individuals?
eminemxu_27 明天可以

【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼

【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼
1、危险的运动应该被取消 ，这样的话题出现的还是比较普遍的，相对来说也比较好写，但也因为范围太广不好找切入点，这位同学写得还不错，看看他是怎样展开思路的？
作文题目：
Some people think that
dangerous sports should be banned,but others think the people should have
freedom to choose sports activities.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
作文内容：
Extreme sports are becoming
increasingly popular due to the fact that individuals nowadays are awash with
repeated daily work and want to find something exciting to do.Although a
group of people believe that the dangerous sports should be banned,I firmly
hold the opinion that people have their rights and freedom to choose sports
activities.
There is no doubt that extreme
sports may be life-threatening.Even if the security facilities have been
improved significantly compared to the past,accidents do exist.For
instance,every year there are some people getting injured or even losing
their lives in bungee jumping as a result of the loose cords or jumping from
a inappropriate place.From this perspective,it seems that in order to protect
human beings from danger,dangerous sports should be restricted.
However,doing dangerous sports is
an effective way to alleviate stress and make people cherish their
lives.Nowadays,owing to the fast flow of information,individuals live a
fast-paced life.When they finish certain works,now ones quickly flock to them
which could breed high pressure.In this circumstance,extreme sports such as
skydiving can help them get rid of the troublesome work[A1]
as they need to totally focus on
the dangerous sports,which means,they have little time to think about their
work.Moreover,people may cherish their lives more via experiencing the
frightening feelings of death.
To conclude,although extreme
sports like bungee jumping and skydiving may be life-threatening,the
probability is quite *all.Also,the
dangerous activities are beneficial because they could alleviate stress and
make people cherish their lives.[A2] Therefore,they should be continued
and the authorities have the duty to make the security facilities more
reliable.
[A1]摆脱的不是工作，而是工作带来的压力，这里需要修改；
[A2]和上面的重复过多，缓解压力变相表达就是心情变得更加愉悦，可以从这个角度来改变表达方式，后者及意识的生命的宝贵，不可直接把上面的句子拿下来
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：
结尾段的语句不够精炼，这点给整篇文章拉分。希望今后不要出现结尾段直接和上面表达雷同的情况，并且表达方式可以更加灵活
附批改原图：
雅思热文

雅思作文 介绍你最仰慕的人 范文

以下是一篇介绍我最仰慕的人的雅思作文，供您参考：
Introduction:
Mymostadmiredpersoni*ygrandfather,whoisaretireddoctor.Hehashadaprofoundimpactonmylife,andIadmirehiswisdom,kindness,andunwaveringcommitmenttohispatients.
Bodyparagraph1:
Mygrandfatherwasadedicateddoctorwhoalwaysputhispatients'need*eforeanythingelse.Heworkedlonghours,oftensacrificinghisowntimetocareforhispatients.Hewascommittedtoprovidingthebestpossiblecareforeachoneofthem,whetheritwasasimplecoldoralife-threateningillness.Hisdedicationandprofessionali*havehadasignificantimpactonmylife,andItrytoemulatehisworkethicinmyownlife.
Bodyparagraph3:
Mygrandfatherisalsoakindandcompassionateperson.Healwaystookthetimetolistentohispatientsandunderstandtheirneeds.Hewentaboveandbeyondtoensurethathispatientsfeltcomfortableandateaseduringtheirvisits.Hewasalwayswillingtoofferafriendly*ileorawordofcomforttoanyonewhoneededit.Hiskindnessandcompassionhavehadalastingimpactonme,andItrytousethesameempathyinmyinteractionswithothers.
Bodyparagraph3:
Mygrandfatherisalsoawisemanwhohastaughtmemanyvaluablelessonsaboutlifeandsuccess.Hehasalwaysemphasizedtheimportanceofhardwork,perseverance,andthevalueofagoodeducation.Hehasalsotaughtmeabouttheimportanceoffamilyandfriends,andtheimportanceofcherishingeverymoment.Hiswisdomandadvicehavebeeninvaluabletome,andItrytoapplyhisteachingsinmydailylife.
Conclusion:
Inconclusion,mygrandfatheri*ymostadmiredpersonbecauseofhisdedication,kindness,andwisdom.Hisimpactonmylifeha*eenimmeasurable,andIstrivetoemulatehimineveryaspectofmyownlife.Iamgratefulforeverythinghehastaughtmeandfortheexamplehehassetforme.Ihopetobehalfthemanheis.
希望以上范文能对您有所帮助。

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