雅思大作文4分范文评析

Topic: Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree of disagree?
sample :
According to universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Therefore, this essay will show some reasons of argument for and argument against.

Firstly, I will discuss about two reasons of argument for to begin with universities should accept equal numbrs of male and female students in every subject because it will be balance of idea while studying. In general, there usually are different ideas between man and woman. These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. In addition, nowadays, the most societies become to accept ability of both in any way.

Secondly, I will discuss about one reason of arguments against that is some subjects not suitable for each other. for example, some subjects of sports such as weight putting. It is not suitable for female because there are different of body between male and female.

In conclusion, I agree with universities should accept equal numbers of male an female students in every subject. Moreover, it depend on what the subjects that the students want to study, they can choose by themselves because I believe that if the students like to study their subjects, they will do it well so that I strongly agree with this topic.

4分的原因：

先，该同学在语法上的缺陷是致命的，多数句子都不符合英语句子结构的要求，如：These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Lead to已经是谓语动词了，后面再出现will happen就是错误的，要知道后一个动词需要采取去动词性质处理：This will lead to new ideas from different perspectives happening 其实这句话也很罗嗦，完全可以改成：This will lead to a wider variety of ideas.
另外一句： Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. 更是无法理解了， is, display, have 及accept 统统是动词形态在句子中出现，但又没有从句将这些动词分开，终连成功解密过无数学生天书的我也不能理解他究竟想讲什么了。
非常不幸的是在中庞大的考鸭军团中，有1/2以上的考鸭们写出来的英语句子与这位考生写的同样晦涩难懂。如果你的英语句子也存在这样的基本语法错误的话，我的建议是赶紧花上3-4天的时间解决这个问题，然后再move on到雅思写作上。

写作建议NO.1 ：Write in an English way, and make your examiner *ile J

按照英文的语法句式写英文句子。 其次，这篇文章的论证逻辑混乱：二段他想表达的是招同样数量的男女生的好处，三段要写专业的不同会导致招收同样数量的男女生是不现实的，后收尾段写道：终我同意应该招收同样数量的男女生。从上面的两段看下来，后一段要写的应该是partially agree with the topic 才对—如果专业有较强的性别取向性，那么该topic不成立;如果专业对于两性来说同样的，那么一半对一半的搭配是值得推荐的。

写作建议NO.2 : Have your conclusion based on what you have expressed rather than what you have conceived.