雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点 美国老师的雅思作文范文赏析

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雅思作文点评：老龄化快速增长的优缺点

In many countries, the number of elderly people is increasing fast. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays, owning to the improvement of living condition(这里习惯用复数), people can live much longer than before, which gives rise to the fast increasing number of elderly people. Some hold that this situation will result in a series of problems, such as social burden, population expansion and so on. While others insist that it agrees the development of modern society and brings many advantages. For my part, I take the latter side with(用for) the following reasons: (74words)

点评：开头稍微写的有点长，不过内容写的还不错。属于通过分析两种不同观点，最后阐述自己观点的写法。(此种写法在雅思大作文的第一段比较常见)

美中不足的是倒数第二句的错误比较明显!while是个连词，应该连接句子与句子，所以这里前面不应该是句号。后面agree是不及物动词，不能直接加宾语。

Firstly, elder people(一会儿elderly people,一会儿又elder people，这不是自相矛盾么!!!) are the fortune of our society. They have enough experiences and capabilities which are badly lacked and needed for our youth when dealing with all sorts of problems, they can still do well in their jobs. Especially(前面应该用逗号，然后这里小写) in some professions, such as teacher, doctor, scientist and so on, sometimes (前面应该用句号，然后这里大写)age means the authority and ability. When you see a doctor, do you prefer an elderly doctor with grey hair or a youth without mustache? (77words)

Secondly, elder people(同上) are the happiness of our society. Increasing number of elderly people is also the embodiment of our improving living quality, which shows our society run(应该第三人称单数)to the right and healthy direction, we(前面句号，这里大写) have more chance and time to serve our elderly people, and it’s the happiest time of all our life to accompany with(accompany是及物动词) our parents, grandparents and great grandparents. (63words)

Finally, elderly people are the lubricant of our society. They have good temper and enough patients(应该是patience吧) to do anything, they can help us to intercede(它是不及物动词，而且主要用人作宾语) social disputes, and they make our society much more harmonious which(前面最好有个逗号)makes for the construction of harmonious society.(43words)

正文段综合点评：此篇是典型的5段式作文的写作，正文段构思出三个分论点来证明自己的观点，的确在构思上花了不少心思。但是，这里我想提的是，还是两方面都分析一下会比较好一点。特别这篇文章是问优点多还是缺点多，那么最好是缺点讲一个，然后优点再讲两个。外国人喜欢这样的辩证分析。

其次，总的来说，作者的语言还是挺流畅的。但是似乎标点有问题，该用句号的时候用逗号，改用逗号的时候用句号，这个也要扣分的!

From mentioned above, the advantages of increasing number of elderly people are obvious more than it disadvantages(典型的Chinese English.应该说there are obviously more advantages than disadvantages.). Elderly people are not the burden of our society but the source of fortune, happiness and harmony of our society.(37words)

全文总评：

尽管总的来说语言水平还是很不错的，内容也写得很充实，但缺点是语言方面还是不够细腻。此文7分。

美国老师的雅思作文范文赏析

题目：

Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of * life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

参考范文：

Some feel that the children of low income families are better equipped to deal with difficulties posed by the “real world” when they grow up and they also believe the privileged children of wealthy families are less fit to deal with these difficulties.The implications and veracity of this argument seem self-evident,but in fact require closer examination.

The popular wisdom is that children of poorer families learn early on the value of a buck ,and are thus naturally better suited to stretching money when times get tough in *hood. Inversely, the children of wealthy families,thoseborn with a silver spoon in their mouths,are believed to be completely ignorant of the tentimes erroneously expecting the same situation in *hood.They are believed to be prone to overspending and financial irresponsibility. This belief,though logical,overlooks one key point which is,of course,education.

The basis of this argument is,of course,knowing the value of money ,and the idea that children of the poor know this,and those of the wealthy do not.Who though,is in a better position to teach their children the value of money,someone skilled in earning and keeping it,the wealthy parent,or someone who can not seem to acquire it,the poor parent? Both wealthy and poor children are equally likely to acquire an education in money,whether it is formal,or in the school of hard knocks. Conversely, both children are as likely to ignore this education.

A poor child may believe that one can get along,if not as easily,without wealthy.A wealthy child may be well trained by a parent steeped in the knowledge of money management,the key to developing this skill is education.

本文摘自新东方张弛新博客

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