雅思作文想拿高分，这四个错误一定不能犯 美国老师的雅思作文范文赏析

b. It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. It指代the number of people who travelled by train.

c. This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. This 指代上一句话。

从语法角度来看， 文章细小问题较多。

a. 时态：数据变化时间为1985-2000，为一般过去，考生采用的为一般现在。

b. 主谓一致：However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. 主语复数，谓语动词单数，主谓不一致。

c. 名词单复数：There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. Number应为单数。

d. 被动语态：as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000. Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000. 这三个句子的动词应该全部改为主动语态。

这样的作文究竟可以得几分呢， 我们来看下考官评语，实际同我们刚刚分析时给出的关键点是一致的。

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6 score. Here is the examiner's comment:

This answer does not introduce the information in the table, nor does it report it accurately. The figures are misinterpreted as representing the number of people rather than the average number of miles travelled per person per year. Consequently the information about the increase in total travel is simply not mentioned, so not all key information is covered. There is an attempt to summarize trends in the figures, but the reader cannot get a clear overall picture of the information because of the fundamental confusion.

Nevertheless, the information is organized and the writing flows quite well because of good use of referencing and other connectors, but there are occasional errors in these and the links between ideas are slightly confusing at times.

The strong feature in this answer is the range of vocabulary which is used with some flexibility and good control. A good range of structures is also used, but there are still some fairly basic mistakes, such as in the choice of tense, subject/verb agreement and inappropriate use of the passive.

当然我们分析这篇考生习作的最终目的不是想告诉大家6分的作文错误百出，于思靓老师是希望同学们可以取长补短，像这篇作文考生所出现的基本问题，如时态、单位、语态等在你的作文中要避免出现，像考官特别看重的他的句子多样性的运用要多加学习。最后期待大家能拿到理想的分数。

美国老师的雅思作文范文赏析

题目：

Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of * life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

参考范文：

Some feel that the children of low income families are better equipped to deal with difficulties posed by the “real world” when they grow up and they also believe the privileged children of wealthy families are less fit to deal with these difficulties.The implications and veracity of this argument seem self-evident,but in fact require closer examination.

The popular wisdom is that children of poorer families learn early on the value of a buck ,and are thus naturally better suited to stretching money when times get tough in *hood. Inversely, the children of wealthy families,thoseborn with a silver spoon in their mouths,are believed to be completely ignorant of the tentimes erroneously expecting the same situation in *hood.They are believed to be prone to overspending and financial irresponsibility. This belief,though logical,overlooks one key point which is,of course,education.

The basis of this argument is,of course,knowing the value of money ,and the idea that children of the poor know this,and those of the wealthy do not.Who though,is in a better position to teach their children the value of money,someone skilled in earning and keeping it,the wealthy parent,or someone who can not seem to acquire it,the poor parent? Both wealthy and poor children are equally likely to acquire an education in money,whether it is formal,or in the school of hard knocks. Conversely, both children are as likely to ignore this education.

A poor child may believe that one can get along,if not as easily,without wealthy.A wealthy child may be well trained by a parent steeped in the knowledge of money management,the key to developing this skill is education.

本文摘自新东方张弛新博客

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