雅思作文想拿高分，这四个错误一定不能犯 雅思作文范文：电脑游戏有助老年人保持智力

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核，综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力，实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说，也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了雅思作文想拿高分，这四个错误一定不能犯 雅思作文范文：电脑游戏有助老年人保持智力，希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题，敬请关注。

雅思作文想拿高分，这四个错误一定不能犯

大家现在所看到的这篇小作文选自C6T2，同其他考官范文不同，这篇文章出自考生之手。具体这篇考生的作文得了几分咱们先*个关子，假如你是雅思(课程)考官，按照写作评分的四大项标准， 你会给他打几分呢？

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.



In 2000 the most preferred mode of travel is by car with 4, 806 people. There's a noticeable decrease in public transportation locally where it dropped from 429 people in 1985 to 274 people in 2000. However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000. Which probably made people to take the take the train more often. There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. The biggest leap in the chart is the increase of taxi users who are tripled in 2000 with 42 people. Where it was only 13 in 1985

Apart from all this modes of travel, there are some more different types of travel as well of course. Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000.

我们先从客观地从考官的评分角度来评判下这篇文章。

首先从文章的内容上来看，考生确实从趋势角度描写了数据变化，但描写逻辑混乱。开端描述了car，local bus 及long distance bus。Car的数据自始至终都是最大的，先描写也毋庸置疑，但local bus 和long distance bus，变化数据设计不多，同时变化趋势也不相同，放在一起描述没有意义。其次，此文没有描述表格中的总量这一数据，这也是其失分的原因。

再来看下这篇文章数字后所带的单位，考生的作文中带的是people， 但仔细审题后我们会发现，这篇作文的真正单位实际是miles，通篇文章对单位的理解都是错误的。

接下来我们来看结构，通篇文章分成两段。考官习作中有分成三段、四段及五段的小作文的例子，但两段的绝对没有。同时，文章开篇直接就描述了最大数据， 缺少了开头段的引入，结尾段也并不是考官所期望看到的总结性信息。

不过从词汇角度来看， 文章代词及连词使用较好

a. However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people asits figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. Its指代long distance bus ride

b. It jumped from 289 in 1985 to 366 in 2000. It指代the number of people who travelled by train.

c. This makes the train second popular mode of transportation. This 指代上一句话。

从语法角度来看， 文章细小问题较多。

a. 时态：数据变化时间为1985-2000，为一般过去，考生采用的为一般现在。

b. 主谓一致：However the long distance bus rides is much more preferred by people as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. 主语复数，谓语动词单数，主谓不一致。

c. 名词单复数：There's a significant increase in the numbers of people who travelled by train. Number应为单数。

d. 被动语态：as its figures are more than doubled in the last 15 years. People who chose to walk or cycle are decreased slightly in 2000. Number of people choosing different modes of travel is rapidly increased from 450 to 585 in 2000. 这三个句子的动词应该全部改为主动语态。

这样的作文究竟可以得几分呢， 我们来看下考官评语，实际同我们刚刚分析时给出的关键点是一致的。

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6 score. Here is the examiner's comment:

This answer does not introduce the information in the table, nor does it report it accurately. The figures are misinterpreted as representing the number of people rather than the average number of miles travelled per person per year. Consequently the information about the increase in total travel is simply not mentioned, so not all key information is covered. There is an attempt to summarize trends in the figures, but the reader cannot get a clear overall picture of the information because of the fundamental confusion.

Nevertheless, the information is organized and the writing flows quite well because of good use of referencing and other connectors, but there are occasional errors in these and the links between ideas are slightly confusing at times.

The strong feature in this answer is the range of vocabulary which is used with some flexibility and good control. A good range of structures is also used, but there are still some fairly basic mistakes, such as in the choice of tense, subject/verb agreement and inappropriate use of the passive.

当然我们分析这篇考生习作的最终目的不是想告诉大家6分的作文错误百出，于思靓老师是希望同学们可以取长补短，像这篇作文考生所出现的基本问题，如时态、单位、语态等在你的作文中要避免出现，像考官特别看重的他的句子多样性的运用要多加学习。最后期待大家能拿到理想的分数。

雅思作文范文：电脑游戏有助老年人保持智力

雅思作文主要考察学生对词汇、语法的掌握，以及逻辑和结构构架能力，一篇好的雅思作文范文能够帮助同学们抓住雅思作文的得分点，并能给大家提供提供高分词汇和句式。下面，我们就来看一篇雅思作文范文：关于生活方式。 　　Many over-60s may never have played a video game, nor have any inclination to do so. New research, however, suggests that playing strategic video games – those that emphasise resource management and planning, for example – may help the elderly to maintain mental abilities including memory, reasoning and the capacity for multi-tasking。 　　Arthur Kramer of the University of Illinois said it was the first study to find improvement in cognitive skills that were not directly related to the skills learned in the game. The research is published in the journal Psychology and Aging。 　　The game used in the study was “Rise of Nations”， in which gamers score points for building cities, feeding and employing their people, and maintaining and expanding their territory. Participants in the study who were trained to play the game showed significant cognitive benefits compared with those who were not: they were able to switch between tasks better and faster, and their working memory significantly improved。 　　“This is one mode in which older people can stay mentally fit, cognitively fit,” Prof Kramer said, adding that socialising, exercising and eating well were also important to mental health in later years。 　　许多60岁以上的老人可能从未玩过电脑游戏，也没有打算这样做。不过，一项新的研究表明，玩战略性电脑游戏——例如那些强调资源管理和规划的游戏——可能有助于老年人保持智力，包括记忆、推理和多任务处理能力等。 　　伊利诺伊大学(University of Illinois)的亚瑟?克雷默(Arthur Kramer)表示，这项研究首次发现，与游戏中所学技能没有直接关系的认知技能得到改善。该研究发表在《心理学与衰老》(Psychology and Aging)杂志上。 　　研究中使用的游戏是“国家的崛起”(Rise of Nations)。在游戏中，通过修建城市、供养和雇佣自己的人民以及保护和扩张自己的领土，玩家都可以得分。在研究参与者中，接受打游戏培训的人比没有接受的人显示出了明显的认知益处：他们能够更好更快地进行任务转换，而且工作记忆有了显著提高。 　　克雷默表示：“这是一种老年人保持精神健康、认知健康的模式。”他补充道，社交、锻炼和吃得好对晚年的精神健康也很重要。 　　当然我们并不主张考生死记雅思作文范文，考试时如果遇到类似题目照搬上去，这并不能考察考生的写作能力。大家多背一些范文，可以积累一些素材，像好的短语、词、句等，灵活运用，才是正确的备考之道。

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