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让你的雅思作文简洁完美的三条建议 雅思作文7分并非可望而不可及

更新:2023年04月28日 10:18 雅思无忧

雅思考试主要是通过对考生听、说、读、写四个方面英语能力的考核,综合测评考生的英语沟通运用能力,实现“沟通为本”的考试理念。对于雅思考生来说,也有很多考试难点和政策盲区需要帮助解答。今天雅思无忧网小编准备了让你的雅思作文简洁完美的三条建议 雅思作文7分并非可望而不可及,希望通过文章来解决雅思考生这方面的疑难问题,敬请关注。
让你的雅思作文简洁完美的三条建议 雅思作文7分并非可望而不可及

让你的雅思作文简洁完美的三条建议


  很多学生在练习英文作文时,认为长句、难句或复杂句能够提升文章的语言质量,展示自己“深厚”的语言功底,并因此获得更高的分数。他们在备考复习时也花了很多精力在长句的练习上,考试时也会尽量使用长句。这种想法确实有一定的道理,因为很多考试如新托福的写作科目评分标准中确实有从语法或用词的多样性等角度考察语言质量的评分项目,考生如果能够熟练地运用各种句式写出精彩的长句,确实能给文章增色不少。

  然而,雅思中国网雅思专家认为:一味地追求句子的长度有时反而会牺牲句子的“可读性”,特别是对一些基础一般的学生来说,有时生硬地追求长句反而破坏了句子的句法准确性。下面我们就来看一些例子,体会一些写得并不成功的长句和怎样修改的建议:

  建议一: 避免空洞的单词和词组

  1. 一些空洞的单词或词组根本不能为句子带来任何相关的或重要的信息,完全可以被删掉。比如下面的句子:

  When all things are considered, young *s of today live more satisfying lives than those of their parents, in my opinion。
  这句话当中的“when all things are considered”和“in my opinion“都显得多余。完全可以去掉。改为:
  Young *s of today live more satisfying lives than their parents。

  2. 有些空洞和繁琐的表达方式可以进行替换,例如:

  Due to the fact that our grandparents were under an obligation to help their parents, they did not have the options that young people have at this point in time。
  “due to the fact that”就是一个很典型的繁琐的表达方式的例子,可以替换,简化为下面的表达方式:
  Because our grandparents were obligated to help their parents, they did not have the options that young people have now。

  建议二: 避免重复

  1. 尽量避免重复使用同样的词汇。或者有的时候虽然词汇没有重复,但意思却有重复。这时候可以做一些简化的工作。例如下面这个例子::

  The farm my grandfather grew up on was large in size。
  large 对一个farm来说就是size方面的large,所以in size可以去掉,改为:
  The farm my grandfather grew up on was large。

  更简洁的表达方式为:

  My grandfather grew up on a large farm。

  2. 有时一个词组可以用一个更简单的单词来替换,例如:

  My grandfather has said over and over again that he had to work on his parents' farm。
  这里的over and over again就可以改为repeatedly,显得更为简洁:
  My grandfather has said repeatedly that he had to work on his parents' farm。

  建议三:选择最恰当的语法结构

  选择合适的语法结构可以使句子意思的表达更为精确和简练。虽然语法的多样性也很重要,但选择最恰当的语法结构仍然是更为重要的考虑因素。以下原则是在考虑选择何种语法结构时可以参考的原则:

  1. 一个句子的主语和谓语动词应该能够反映句子中的最重要的意思。例如:.

  The situation that resulted in my grandfather's not being able to study engineering was that his father needed help on the farm。
  从意思上来分析,上面这句话需要表达的重要的概念是“grandfather's not being able to study”,而在表达这个概念时,原句用的主语是situation,谓语动词是was,不能强调需要表达的重点概念,可以改为下面这句话:
  My grandfather couldn't study engineering because his father needed help on the farm。

  2. 避免频繁使用“there be”结构,例如下面的句子:

  There were 25 cows on the farm that my grandfather had to milk every day. It was hard work for my grandfather。

  可以改为:
  My grandfather worked hard. He had to milk 25 cows on the farm every day。

  更简洁的句式为:
  My grandfather worked hard milking 25 cows daily。

  3. 把从句改为短语或单词。例如:

  Dairy cows were raised on the farm, which was located100 kilometers from the nearest university and was in an area that was remote。

  简介的表达方式为:
  The dairy farm was located in a remote area, 100 kilometers to the nearest university。

  4. 仅在需要强调宾语而不是主语的时候,才使用被动语态。例如:

  In the fall, not only did the cows have to be milked, but also the hay was mowed and stacked by my grandfather's family。

  本句不够简洁的原因是本句的重心应该是“忙碌的家庭-my grandfather's family”,而使用了被动语态后,仿佛重心变成了cows和hay。下面的表达方式是主动语态,相对来说更简洁一些:

  In the fall, my grandfather's family not only milked the cow but also mowed and stacked the hay。

  5. 用更为精确的一个动词来代替动词短语,例如下面这句话:

  My grandfather didn't have time to stand around doing nothing with his school friends。
  Stand around doing nothing其实可以用一个动词来表达,即loiter:
  My grandfather didn't have time to loiter with his school friends。

  6. 有时两句话的信息经过组合完全可以用一句话来简练地表达,例如:

  Profits from the farm were not large. Sometimes they were too *all to meet the expenses of running a farm. They were not sufficient to pay for a university degree。

  两句话的信息可以合并为下面这句更为简洁的句子:

  Profits from the farm were sometimes too *all to meet operational expenses, let alone pay for a university degree。

雅思作文7分并非可望而不可及

现在的年轻人总是会发出“理想很丰满,现实很骨感”这样的感叹,来表达对现实生活的无奈。而在雅思写作考试中,考生们又何尝不会经历这种无奈呢?写作7分是许多考生梦寐以求的分数,但即使是一些外籍教师所撰写的范文,在考官笔下也不过是7-8分!对于国内大多数雅思考生而言,7分似乎是可望而不可及的。那么,究竟怎样的文章,才能得到考官的青睐,最终幸运的得到7分的分数呢?

一.Task response

1. 具体要求

Task response表示任务的完成。在官方给出的评分标准中,7分有这样的要求:

1. Address all parts of the task,

2. Present a clear position throughout the response,

3. Present, extend and support main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus。

① 回答了题目要求的所有问题。②整篇文章观点鲜明。③详细的解释和论证了观点。

2. 范例评析

▲ 剑桥雅思全真试题7 Test2 Task2

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should be taken into account when deciding the punishment。

Discuss both views and give your own opinion。

1. 考生需要对题目中的两个相反的观点进行分析,不能只分析自己倾向的观点。即:固定不变的定罪制度有何作用;依据犯罪动机和环境灵活的定罪制度有何作用。

2. 考生需要非常清楚的表明自己的观点,即回答应当如何对罪犯的犯罪行为定罪。

3. 考生对于题目中两个相反观点的分析需要摆出充足的论据,提出自己的理由并通过例子来证明。

7.5分考生范文选段:对固定不变的定罪制度的分析

On the one hand, fixed punishment will have a deterring effect on society. ‖Individuals knowing that they will be subject to a certain punishment if they are convicted with a given crime will reconsider committing this act in the first place. ‖This deterring effect also leads to social stability and security, through minimizing the number of crimes committed. ‖If people knew they would be able to convince the court or the jury of reason for having committed the crime they are accused of, penal decisions would be largely arbitrary. This would result into criminals getting away with their crimes and into a high level of injustice caused by the subjective approach of different courts。

1. 观点:固定的惩罚制度对社会有威慑力。(fixed punishment will have a deterring effect on society。)

2. 理由:考虑犯罪成本(reconsider committing crimes in the first place)

3. 扩展结果:有利于社会稳定(lead to social stability and security through minimizing the number of crimes committed。)

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